Except I wasn’t there. Not last night. What did I tell her? That our friendship was a burden? She threw away the necklace.

She called three times.

I threw her away.

“I knew she was struggling, but I didn’t think she’d—”

I stop short, afraid speaking it out loud will make it real. Dr. Layne taps my hand again softly.

“This is no one’s fault, Ava. But we know you’re close with Piper, and we’re concerned about you. Cora told me about your episode last night. At the store.”

Dark circles hang below Cora’s eyes. Did she sleep at all? Glenn looks equally haggard.

“I had a bad day.”

“Do you have a lot of bad days?” Layne presses.

“I’m not going to gulp down a bottle of codeine, if that’s what you’re asking.” I try to say this glibly, the way Piper would, but the words catch in my throat.

Dr. Layne leans toward me, the weight of her body on the couch cushion making me fall into her slightly.

“What you girls are going through is more than most people can bear. There’s no shame in asking for help. We all wish Piper had.” She locks eyes with mine. “How do you really think you’re doing?”

I think about yesterday, about how tired I am of fighting the gaping blackness.

Did Piper feel it, too?

She called three times.

“I think—” I look at Cora and Glenn, their dark circles and pink eyes probably matching my own. “I think maybe no one is as fine as they’re pretending to be.”

Dr. Layne nods. “I think you’re right.”

“Can I see her? I need to see her,” I say.

“Soon. The doctors are helping Piper now, but I would like to help you, if you’d let me.”

“How?”

“Well, for starters, I think it’s time for a road trip.”

Dr. Layne won’t tell me where we’re going, probably for fear I’ll tuck and roll out of the moving car on the highway. Once we’re about twenty minutes south on the freeway, though, I know exactly where we’re headed.

I slouch into my seat as she drives, grateful that she doesn’t try to fill the silence with therapy talk. Out the window, huddled farm towns replace sprawling suburbs. The new-spring green rolls out from the highway toward the base of the mountains.

My mind drifts to Piper as the fields and horses and foothills flash past my window.

I should have been fighting the darkness with her.

We could have fought it together.

After about an hour, a lake at the base of the western foothills comes into view.

Home.