“I told her she looked too young to need a hearing aid.”

I rolled my eyes. “Way to go, Romeo.”

He grinned. “Sorry.”

“Apology accepted. But,” I warned, “only because you made coffee.”

As soon as I was semicoherent, I pulled out my cell, called a locksmith, then began running through my address book for someone who could sit with Aunt Sue that day. Unfortunately, my cousin Brad had to take his dog to the vet. Aunt Sue’s daughter, Catherine, was at Magic Mountain with the kids. My uncle Don was going golfing. Suddenly everyone had dentist visits or dry cleaning to pick up or belly button lint that needed removing. Apparently word had spread of my aunt’s cooking.

In the end, there was only one person on the list who had the day off and was willing to spend it watching Game Show Network at top volume. Aunt Sue’s older sister, Millie.

“Tina, look how much you’ve grown,” Aunt Millie said half an hour later when I answered the front door. She immediately began pinching my cheeks and making clucking sounds at how skinny I was.

Millie was dressed in a frilly turquoise blouse, turquoise slacks, and a pair of huge white sneakers fastened by Velcro. A turquoise cap studded with rhinestones sat on top of her white hair, tiny wisps escaping on the sides. Her face was such a series of wrinkles it was hard to tell where her chin ended and her neck began, and the top of her head only came to about my shoulders. It was as if someone had taken a normal-sized person and left her out in the sun until she’d shriveled into this raisin of a woman. A pair of very dark eyes squinted behind the thickest glasses known to man, bouncing from me to Cal.

Cal raised a questioning eyebrow my way.

“Cal, I’d like you to meet my aunt Millie. Aunt Millie, this is Cal.”

Millie looked up at him, her eyes magnified to twice their size behind her super glasses. “He’s hot.”

I could swear I almost saw Cal blush.

“So, where’s my baby sister?” she asked, eyes scanning the condo.

“In the living room.” I took Aunt Millie by the shoulders, pointing her in the right direction.

“I see her.” Millie nodded, then shuffled up to a floor lamp and started making conversation.

Cal grabbed me by the sleeve. “Okay, what’s granny doing here?”

“I told you I’d get someone to watch Aunt Sue today.”

“This is your bodyguard?”

“I never said bodyguard.”

“She’s a hundred.”

“She’s only eighty-nine. And she’s very sharp.”

Cal threw his hands up. “Oh, well then!”

“Look,” I said, “she’s all I could get on short notice.”

“May I remind you that someone broke in here last night? What about taking this threat seriously?”