Well, come on, Cal, I said with a wink, grabbing him by the hand and leading him back toward his Hummer. Let’s go get a room.

Epilogue

HOT HOLLYWOOD HEADLINES

JENNIFER WOOD’S TWEEN SHOW CO-STAR, LANI CLINE, APPEARED IN COURT FOR THE FIRST TIME TODAY, PLEADING NOT GUILTY BY REASON OF MENTAL DEFECT OR DISEASE TO SECOND-DEGREE MURDER AND KIDNAPPING. THE ACTRESS IS CLAIMING THAT YEARS OF LISTENING TO THE PERKY PIPPI MISSISSIPPI ARE ENOUGH TO MAKE ANYONE SNAP. THE TRIAL IS SCHEDULED TO BEGIN EARLY NEXT MONTH AND, DESPITE REPEATED REQUESTS FROM MS. CLINE, THE JUDGE HAS RULED THAT NO CAMERAS WILL BE ALLOWED IN THE COURTROOM. IT LOOKS LIKE HER PERFORMANCE OF A LIFETIME WILL GO UNTELEVISED AFTER ALL.

GOLDEN GLOBE WINNER KATIE BRIGGS WAS SEEN LAST NIGHT AT MR. CHOW’S WITH A NEW MAN ON HER ARM. WHEN ASKED WHO THE TALL, DARK, AND CLASSICALLY HANDSOME STRANGER WAS, KATIE RESPONDED THAT HE WAS AN ACCOUNTANT SHE’D RECENTLY MET ON MATCH.COM. RUMORS ARE THAT KATIE JUST BOUGHT A NEW HOME IN BEVERLY HILLS (COMPLETE WITH A STATE-OF-THE-ART SECURITY SYSTEM) AND IS MOVING THE NEW MAN IN ASAP. CAN A BABY BUMP BE FAR BEHIND FOR OUR FAVORITE DRAMA QUEEN?

EDWARD PINES, MOST NOTED FOR HIS BLOCK-BUSTER FILMS, WAS FOUND GUILTY IN AN L.A. COUNTY COURTROOM THIS WEEK OF POSSESSING PORNOGRAPHIC MATERIALS DEPICTING MINORS. HE’LL BE OFFICIALLY SENTENCED NEXT WEEK, BUT SUNSET STUDIOS HAS ALREADY PULLED ALL BACKING FROM HIS LATEST PROJECT. APPARENTLY, PINES’S CAREER HAS ALREADY RECEIVED A DEATH SENTENCE.

ANGSTY ROCKER BLAIN HALL CHECKED OUT OF THE SUNSET SHORES REHAB CLINIC YESTERDAY, SAYING HE WAS CURED OF HIS ADDICTION FOR GOOD. WHEN ASKED WHAT HIS PLANS ARE NOW, BLAIN SAID HE’S EAGER TO GET BACK IN THE STUDIO AND RECORD THE SONG HE WROTE IN REHAB TITLED, “I WAS A LONELY DRUID IN A WORLD OF SHAMAN TROLLS.” HE SAID HE’S DEDICATING THE SONG TO HIS NEW GIRLFRIEND, CHERRY CHASE, WHOM HE FELL IN LOVE WITH WHILE FENDING OFF FALSE RUMORS OF THEIR SECRET LOVE CHILD TOGETHER.

LAST, BUT NOT LEAST, ALEXIS MULLINS, WIDOW AND ALLEGED MURDERER OF CHARACTER ACTOR JAKE MULLINS, ANNOUNCED FROM HER JAIL CELL THIS WEEK THAT SHE’LL BE PENNING A BOOK ABOUT ACTORS WHO HAVE DIED YOUNG. WHEN ASKED WHERE SHE GOT THE IDEA, THE FORMER CHILD STAR CLAIMED, “IT JUST CAME TO ME ONE DAY.” SOURCES REPORT A MOVIE DEAL IS ALREADY IN THE WORKS.

I sat back, rereading my column one last time before emailing it to the boss. Feeling pretty darn proud of myself for getting it in early even, I clicked open my inbox to check for leads on tomorrow’s column. Fifteen messages, ranging from what-was-she-thinking? outfits on Melrose to celebrity fights overheard at this week’s hottest club. I scanned through each one, loving my network of loyal informants.

Bender!

I jumped up to find Felix’s head popping out from his office.

Yeah, boss?