Abdelkébir came up to me this morning. He bent over me, put his hand on my forehead. “Have you got a fever? Yes,you might have one, but it’s not very high. You’d better stayin bed and rest. I’ll go out and get you some Tylenol andsome fruit. You need to drink a lot of water too. I’ll leave mybottle of Sidi Ali next to the bed.”

When he stood up, I noticed this hickey, this big red hickey where his tee-shirt usually covers his neck.

There it was, the undeniable proof. He had done the unforgivable. Him too. I knew it ... I thought so ... And Iwas right.

He had betrayed me too.

When all this started, I was a little nuts. Now, I’m completely crazy.

I feel sick ... Alone. Far, far from him who still remains so close.

Something has broken between us. Will it stay like that forever?

I’m going to try to sleep, try to forget if that’s possible.

Forget what? Forget who? Can I forget a little, just a little?

Sunday

What happened to me yesterday? How did I get through the day? And the night? What did I do? Sleep? Did I sleepfor twenty-four hours?

I don’t remember a thing.

Abdelkébir was never far away. It was as if he had slept with me, in the same bed, like in Salé. Did he watchover me?

Today, oddly enough, I feel better. I’m fine, not sick anymore. Was I really that bad yesterday?

I am full of doubts, doubts about everything. I’m obsessed, consumed by questions without answers.

What was going on in my head? In my body?

It’s all blacked out.

My first case of lovesickness. Sick because I was deceived,betrayed, sick because I lost my head. You could call it a novel. I’m playing a part in a love story I haven’t evenread yet.

Abdelkébir, true to form, is silent. I know he didn’t buy anything in Tétouan. He knows I know. Is he on to me? Ihope he is. I hope he is suffering as much as I am.

Did I really see a hickey on his neck yesterday, a red mark, or was it only a dream?

I’m not sure about anything anymore. Everything’s all mixed up. One thing is certain: my betrayal.

I have been punished. You have punished me.

There is some justice in the world. A one-sided justice. Abdelkébir wasn’t punished. Fortunately not. Without him,we’re lost in Tangiers. As soon as he’s not around, we do thestupidest things. I do, anyway.

I’m disoriented. Out of balance.

We have two days of vacation left. Tuesday we head back to Salé.

Monday

Abdelkébir is in love.