It is said that destruction is necessary for evolution. Shanti was very aware of the fact that her existence was also a necessity. All the secret routes to her soul that emerged from her vagina and uterus were now maimed. Her womb was a dark moon. Asrar lowered his gaze and scratched his nose with his left hand. Shanti sat with her back resting on the wall. She saw Asrar lowering his gaze. Asrar’s eyes stayed focused on the bed. Shanti’s experience had taught her that the moment the curtains dropped, the customer utters two–three formal and made-up praises of her beauty and immediately puts his hands on her breasts without caring for her reaction. There were some who asked her about her well-being. Twice or thrice, there were customers who came only to hold a conversation. They asked questions about her life and clicked a few photographs.

Once a British novelist had come over. His eyes were small, and he sported a long beard. He asked Shanti a few questions in a Mumbai dialect. Shanti really enjoyed this interaction. The novelist had given her a Kashmiri shawl before departing. Shanti really loved the present. Sometimes she took out that shawl from her box when the smiling face of the novelist flashed in front of her eyes. Once a rich Gujarati had come over, had given her a Rs 1000 note and ordered her to turn over.

She returned the note immediately and said, ‘I’m a whore, not your wife.’

The man was shell-shocked and immediately left the place.

Two or three minutes had passed. Neither did Asrar make any advances, nor did he try to strike a conversation. She saw that he had shut his eyes. She was reminded of what Madhuri had said, ‘He is new, be careful,’ and she smiled. She was amazed at her own smile. She was reminded of her first time.

Shanti’s childhood was spent in the Killari village of Latur in Maharashtra. One week was still left before her fourteenth birthday when her luck showed its true colours. Her parents were sleeping inside, and she was sleeping with her grandmother on a charpoy outside. In the middle of the night, they heard loud bangs and in front of their eyes the entire village was reduced to a rubble. She held on to a neem tree and realized it was shaking too. She had learnt about earthquakes in school and was sure this was an earthquake. In a while, her ears were witness to loud shouting, weeping, calls for help, running, wailing, grief-stricken voices and much more that wrenched her heart.