When he lay in his bed that night, he felt his heartbeat racing. The reason for this was the dilemma in his mind. He was thinking about his place in this world. Who was he? He was no longer the person whom Darakhshan, his daughters, his relatives and acquaintances knew. The new man that was within him was unknown to everyone else. Would he ever be able to reveal his real self to them? Would they accept him with his new identity? He thought about how he would reveal the truth to Hina and Darakhshan? How would he persuade them to follow his beliefs? He was still engrossed in these thoughts when Darakhshan came into the room. She thought that Yusuf had already slept. She switched off the tube light. In the milky light of the dim bulb Yusuf saw that Darakhshan took out a maxi from the cupboard and put it on the table, then removed her clothes and wore that maxi.

He had never looked at her body with such searching eyes. He found her shapeless. The fat deposited around her waist and stomach looked ugly. Her breasts seemed to stink like a goat’s stomach hanging at a butcher’s shop. He wondered why he had never felt this ugliness before. With the same thought, Aymal’s body appeared in his imagination. Aymal’s body seemed perfect and magnetic too. Darakhshan was a ploughed field whose use was as a necessity. Aymal had made Yusuf realize that the body was a kiln of the soul where the soul turns gold on melting and the shine increased.

On the night of the party, Aymal had said something to Yusuf in a very serious tone which now appeared fresh in his mind. She had said, ‘If sex carries with it the feeling of love, the soul experiences harmonious bliss. This is the highest altitude of the soul’s flight.’ As soon as Darakhshan spread herself on the bed, Yusuf turned over. She seemed like an unattractive, hideous insect. Even after turning away, the existence of Darakhshan caused him pain. It was a weird situation for him. In the past, whenever he felt the need, he had sex with her. Though he had noticed that during the entire process of intercourse, Darakhshan showed no reaction. She stayed still like a dead body or kept reciting a dua, a prayer. She had memorized all the duas that had to be recited before any action—from going to the bathroom to having sex.

Darakhshan stared at his back and thought that for a month Yusuf had shown no need for sex. Maybe he had been busy. On the other hand, Yusuf realized that the hideous, stinking insect lying beside him on the bed was staring at him.