Then he went out. He didn’t wait to see what effect it had on me. If I wasn’t a fool, he thought to himself, I must take it in; if I was, nothing would do me any good.

I took his advice, and settled myself down to think it over. It was a good while—a weary lot of years to wait, year by year—but, still, if I got out in twelve years I should not be so out and out broke down after all—not much over forty, and there’s a deal of life for a man sometimes after that.

And then I knew that there would be one that would be true to me anyhow, that would wait for me when I went out, and that would not be too proud to join in her life with mine, for all that had come and gone. Well, this might give me strength. I don’t think anything else could, and from that hour I made up my mind to tackle it steady and patient, to do the best I could, and to work out my sentence, thankful for the mercy that had been showed me, and, if ever a man was in this world, resolved to keep clear of all cross ways for the future.

So I began to steady myself and tried to bear it the best way I could. Other men were in for long sentences, and they seemed to be able to keep alive, so why shouldn’t I? Just at the first I wasn’t sure Whether I could. Year after year to be shut up there, with the grass growin’ and the trees wavin’ outside, and the world full of people, free to walk or ride, to work or play, people that had wives and children, and friends and relations—it seemed awful. That I should be condemned to live in this shut-up tomb all those long, weary years, and there was nothing else for it. I couldn’t eat or sleep at first and kept starting up at night, thinking they was coming for me to carry me off to the gallows. Then I’d dream that Jim and Starlight was alive, and that we’d all got out of gaol and were riding through the bush at night to the Hollow again. Then I’d wake up and know they were dead and I was here. Time after time I’ve done that, and I was that broken down and low that I burst out crying like a child.

Chapter LII

CHAPTER LII

The months went on till I began to think it was a long time since anything had been heard of father. I didn’t expect to have a letter or anything, but I knew he must take a run outside now and again; and so sure as he did it would come to my ears somehow.