‘Yes. And you need to see more of them,’ Diluc said pointedly. ‘But, you know, Rus, they’re not like us. They are the first Shipborn generation. They are different. To them, all our stories of Port Sol and Canis Major are so many legends of places they will never see. This Ship is their world, not ours: we, born elsewhere, are aliens here. You know, I keep thinking we’ve bitten off more than we can chew. For all Andres’s planning, already things are drifting. No wonder generation starships always fail!’

Rusel tried to respond to their openness by giving them something of himself. But he found he had little to say. His mind was full of studying, but there was very little human incident in his life. It was if he hadn’t been alive at all, he thought with dismay.

Diluc was appalled to hear of Ruul’s death. ‘That pompous geneticist - I suppose in a way it’s fitting he should be the first to go. But don’t let it take you, brother.’ Impulsively he crossed to Rusel and rested his hand on his brother’s shoulder. ‘You know, all this is enough for me: Tila, the kids, the home we’re building together. It’s good to know that our lives serve a higher goal, but this is all I need to make me happy. Maybe I don’t have much imagination, you think?’

Or maybe you’re more human than I am, Rusel thought. ‘We must all make our choices,’ he said.

Diluc said carefully, ‘But you can still make a different choice.’

‘What do you mean?’

He leaned forward. ‘Why don’t you give it up, Rus? This crappy old Qax nano-medicine, this dreadful anti-ageing - you’re still young; you could come out of there, flush the shit out of your system, grow your hair back, find some nice woman to make you happy again . . .’

Rusel tried to keep his face expressionless, but he failed.

Diluc backed off. ‘Sorry. You still remember Lora.’

‘I always will. I can’t help it.’

‘We’ve all been through an extraordinary experience,’ Tila said. ‘I suppose we all react differently.’

‘Yes.’ Tila, he remembered, had left behind a child.

Diluc looked into his eyes. ‘You never will come out, will you? Because you’ll never be able to cast off that big sack of guilt on your back.’

Rusel smiled. ‘Is it that obvious?’

Tila was a gracious hostess. She perceived his discomfort, and they began to talk of old times, of the days on Port Sol. But Rusel was relieved when Tomi came in to announce that the meal was ready, relieved to hurry through the food and get away, relieved to shut himself away once more in the bloodless monastic calm of his studying.

V

He would remember that difficult visit again, much later, when a boy came to find him.