Chloe’s list is still sitting on top of my desk. It’s complete now. The last item filled out in purple ink—BJ for Barrett—written in Chloe’s feminine handwriting, with a smiley face next to it.

I fold the paper up and put it in my desk drawer.

In the car on the way to lunch, I should be thinking about Fred and the Voltaire acquisition, but my mind is with Chloe and counting down the minutes until I see her again.

* * *

The only thing I know for sure about the Books 4 Kids event is that myself, along with other—and far more prestigious—volunteers, will be recording a read aloud that will be featured on the Books 4 Kids website and used to promote the Read With Kids YouTube channel that St. Clair Press has started to help promote early childhood literacy.

Upon arrival, I am checked in by a man at a table and given the book I will be reading.

It’s titled Grumpy Monkey.

My lips quirk as I flip through the book, admittedly knowing why Chloe chose this one for me to read.

“You’re here.” I turn to find my mother approaching.

“Yes. And ready to read a book about a monkey having a bad day.”

It’s not relatable at all. I’m having a great day.

I got a blow job from Chloe, then Fred signed off on the letter of intent to sell Voltaire to SCM.

She smiles and takes the book from me.

“I’d say Chloe knows you well. But then I’m not certain if this book fits you as of late.” She hands it back to me. “Something’s different about you.”

The implication is I’ve changed since dating Chloe. Fake dating her. My mother doesn’t know that it’s not real.

“Oh? I don’t think so.”

“Chloe’s good for you. She softens your edges.” She smiles.

I nod, and start flipping through the pages of the book. There’s no use trying to deny it. She’s right. Spending time with Chloe has made me realize what I’ve been missing out on and think about the man I want to be. Whether it’s taking time to understand each other, or not letting work take over my life. By getting to know Chloe, and seeing her perspective, I have discovered I can do better. I want to do better.

I’m never going to be easygoing, but that’s not what Chloe needs. She needs someone to challenge her, encourage her, push her to be even more amazing than she already is. I want to be that guy. But is that what she wants?

Before Chloe, I was fine with working every second of the day, but I want other things now. With her.