What sounded like a washcloth plopped into the water. “That was the first time they sent him to a treatment program. He’d been hospitalized before, but he’d never been to a residential treatment program. Michael was gone for six months. It was the best six months of my childhood. I could finally breathe. I wasn’t constantly looking over my shoulder. I wasn’t worried that something I did or didn’t do might set him off. But then I felt guilty for being relieved.”

“It makes sense that you’d feel both.” But I wondered why Michael had only been at the facility for six months. Why not a long-term placement somewhere that was equipped for his issues? “Why did he come back after six months?”

Shay sighed. “The issues my brother has, a conduct disorder with callous and unemotional traits, is complicated to treat. And even harder to measure rehabilitation. Michael has always been good at mimicking appropriate behavior, at biding his time before he gets his revenge. Every time my mom and dad went to visit him, he’d cry and beg to come home. That destroys a parent, Brody. Even as young as I was, I saw it eating them up inside.”

I couldn’t imagine the stress they had been under. But I also couldn’t understand putting the defenseless little girl they had at home at risk.

“You’re wondering why they let him come home,” Shay deduced.

“I’m trying to see all the angles. There’s no easy answer, that’s for sure.”

Water droplets fell into the bath as if Shay were wringing out her washcloth. “There wasn’t. For anyone. Not Michael, either.”

Shay blew me away. Her ability to hold onto empathy despite her terror and pain, amidst the betrayal she surely felt made me want to lean in to those relationships in my life that were imperfect but present. My parents sprang to mind most of all. They didn’t understand me. But they loved me. Maybe it was time I tried a little harder. Had them out to the island for a week this spring or summer.

“What are you thinking?” she asked.

“About how you make me want to be a better man.”

There was nothing for a long moment, then she spoke. “You’re already one of the best men I’ve ever known.”

I swallowed against the emotions crowding my throat. My hands itched to pull back the curtain. I wanted to see her face as Shay said the words. Needed a clue as to what she might be hiding below that calm and collected exterior. Was desire clawing at her insides as much as mine? Was she battling this thing like I was? I could only hope.

20

Shay