I was silent as I tried to dial it back. As if I could douse it piece by piece. Forget how each part of tonight had made me feel alive.

As Brody pulled up to our dock, I moved to help him tie off. He climbed over the side of the boat and offered me a hand. I studiously ignored it. Instead, I hiked up my dress with one hand and placed the other on one of the dock posts for balance.

Brody eyed me carefully as I made my way down the dock and up the path. He was silent as we walked, likely taking stock of my mood and wondering what the hell had brought it on. I wanted to go to my guest house, to barricade myself in there and start rebuilding the walls that protected me from a world that could leave me exposed and at risk. Walls that would block out any temptation to lure me into an existence that would do just that. But the majority of my meager belongings had made their way to the main house. That was fine. I’d just sleep in the guest room.

Brody unlocked the door and punched in the alarm code as I made my way to the stairs. “You want to tell me what the hell is going on in your head right now?” he asked.

I froze with my foot on the bottom step. “I shouldn’t have played in public. It was foolish. A risk that didn’t need to be taken.”

“So, you hated it?”

I couldn’t answer him. Because I’d loved every second of playing with other people again. Of moving a crowd.

Brody moved in closer. “That’s what I thought. You came alive on that stage, Shay. I’ve never seen anything like it. You were flying. But you want to push it all away. You want to push me away.”

I whirled on him. “I have to! Because every time I get a taste of what life could be like if I just let myself free, I want it even more. I’m more and more likely to take a risk that could get me killed. And if I have to choose between music and breathing, I’m going to choose breathing every time. But I don’t need the reminder of what I can’t have. I don’t need you to remind me.”

My lungs heaved as Brody took step after careful step towards me. “Are you even breathing, though? What’s life if you don’t live it?”

Anger heated my blood. “That’s so easy for you to say. You don’t know what it’s like. To constantly look over your shoulder. To wonder if the person you love most in the world is going to show up and shove a knife between your ribs.”