His eyes narrowed. “You do?”

“Yes! I risked everything over a little curiosity. That man, Malcolm! And your neck. I put you in that position, and it shames me. I hate myself for it. I’d be so grateful if you could forget it ever happened.”

“Please—don’t hate yourself. You couldn’t have known what it’s like out there. I should have stopped you. I should have protected you. Instead, I—” He looked down, hanging his head in shame.

“We survived. That’s all that matters now. Let’s never mention it again.”

“Yes,” he said eagerly. “Done.” He reached into his pocket and handed me my watch. It had smears of dried blood on it. “A night forgotten.”

We stood a moment longer listening to street noises. A newsboy’s shouts. The rattle of wagon wheels on cobblestones. Then he left for the cottage workshop without a word.

This was exactly what I wanted. Whatever I did next, Malcolm would be no part of it.

He’d be safe.

Chapter 14: Every Minute and Every Moment

Later that morning, I sat in a carriage heading toward Liesje Visser’s country estate, absently listening to the Holdridges chatter about the coming festivities. I yawned behind my fan, the gentle rocking of the carriage lulling me. My ankles throbbed. I had nicks and cuts all over my arms. I was thirsty. Tired. Physically worn out. But my mind churned, going over every detail of my escapade. Coming back, again and again, to the message Mrs. Burgin had passed to me through Austin and Beckett.

Only you know how you can help.

I did know.

Some part of me had always known I’d make a perfect spy.

In a way, I had already been one. From the minute I put on Miss Coates’s gown on the beach all that time ago, I had lived inside a secret. I’d been cautious of the things I said and watchful of others. What was more, I had daring and courage I hadn’t been able to use in years. Cleverness that had only collected cobwebs. Best of all, I had opportunity.

Every night, I socialized with British officers. Men who underestimated my intelligence and overestimated my virtuousness. Men who discussed the war around me like I was invisible.

How difficult would it be to take the information I heard to Robert Townsend?

My entire life had led me to this, I realized. Every minute and every moment. I hadn’t been able to fight Sewel’s abuse, but I could fight this abuse of power. I could fight for the thousands of men rotting in prisons across New York. I could fight now because I had failed to help Asa Lane. I could fight because I was more than a problem, or a fortune to be married into. And I could fight because I wanted to fight.

But not right now.