Never had weddings been my favorite topic, but today I had less patience than usual. I didn’t want any reminders of the responsibilities that awaited me. I wanted to keep swimming and reveling in the airiness I felt all the way to my soul.

I kicked away, my shift flowing about my legs, but it was too late. I was already seeing West End’s sunny shores in my mind. Then Mama stirring the soup over the fire as she told me about the dangers of marriage and how I was to have more than she’d had. A better life.

A dull pain began to thud at my brow. I shut my eyes and Asa Lane’s earnest blue eyes appeared.

Marry me. I dare you.

This was what I’d feared. This was why I hadn’t wanted to swim. I’d cured myself of the past. I’d gone months without thinking about him, without remembering Mercy’s laugh or Sewel’s bleary red eyes and slurred threats.

I sucked in a breath and dove. I swam deeper. Farther. Farther still. Pushing myself past the point I could bear. There was no depth in the river, no way to plunge into the bliss of the seventh fathom, so I swam away from shore, leaving everything behind me. Fear, responsibility, lies, love, everything.

When my lungs began to seize in my chest, I pushed up and broke the surface. For an instant, I had no idea where I was nor how I’d gotten there. Then I saw Lucy and Charlotte on the steps of the bathing house, waving their arms at me and shouting for help. Maude churned toward me in the water, her arms windmilling in steady strokes.

I kicked in place, blinking hot tears. I didn’t want to go back.

I didn’t know what I wanted.

I waved to let them know I was fine.

Then I pointed myself back to shore and swam.

That night, the Holdridges’ friend Judge Latimer hosted a birthday dinner for me at his great house on Golden Hill. Charlotte came with her parents, but Liesje Visser had wedding preparations to attend to. Already it felt like she was becoming someone different. Rebecca Novis, who completed our intimate group of friends, was at a harvest frolic in Albany.