“No, stop. It was you, Nyx. It was everything you are.”

Nyx turned and moved closer to him, her face a handbreadth from his cheek. She could feel the heat of him. He was as beautiful underneath the clothes as he was in them, if she remembered right. No, more so. But there were many beautiful people in the world. There was Ahmed, just a few paces away, and Safiyah, eerily beautiful even for Nyx’s taste. But to be dead honest, Rhys really wasn’t as pretty anymore. She was almost certainly uglier, and he wasn’t getting younger. Was it the fucking she wanted? Would that end it, if she just convinced him to let her fuck him now, far from his wife and family, his petty concerns forgotten for just a few stolen moments? Would she be over it, then?

“You hate everything I am,” Nyx said softly. “But you’re still out here with me. Is that it?” She kept her tone low, the way she would if she was trying to lure some skittish bug, a shiny green beetle. “Is it that you have to take care of her out there? But out here—” she carefully moved her hand to his neck, lightly, as if by accident. It was freeing, really. She figured they’d all be dead by morning. “Out here I take care of you.”

Rhys averted his eyes and stood. He put out the cigarette.

“That it?” Nyx said. “Rhys, hold on.” She stood and went after him, took his arm. “Hey, listen. I didn’t mean anything by it. It’s not anything. I’m just really fucking tired.”

“You have no idea what you’re doing,” Rhys said. He sounded out of breath.

“I’m just playing around, Rhys.”

His face was stricken. “That’s the problem. To you this is all just some game. A fun way to pass the time. But for me, this is about my personal integrity. Honor. You understand honor? You became a bel dame because it gained you honor, is that right? Being a man who can protect the honor of his own family is all I wanted. I was supposed to keep them safe, Nyx. I failed them. I failed God and my father when I did not go to the front. And I failed God again when I permitted those bel dames to do what they did. They took everything from me, Nyx. They took everything I was. And… fucking you in the woods is not how a moral man would conduct himself. I know what I am, Nyx. I’ve struggled with it, I won’t pretend. But do you know who I am?”

“I think if you relaxed you’d be a better man,” Nyx said.

“Elahyiah left me,” Rhys said. “She took the children.”

Nyx caught her breath. She wanted to fuck him there, and realized, too late, that it wasn’t the right response.