‘Twelve hundred and twenty-five miles exactly from Ankh-Morpork to Bonk by coach, although I am aware that the train would have to take a different route.’

‘Yes sir, but non-stop—’

‘Mister Lipwig. If you’re going to tell me that it’s impossible you will be down with the kittens in short order. After all, you are the man who gets things done.’

‘What’s the hurry, sir? The lads are doing a great job, but it would be a rare day if they could lay more than three miles of track, even with all the money Harry King is throwing at it. And then, of course, there’s all the unforeseen obstacles along the way and on top of that you know that every city along the Plains wants to be a part of the network. We’re spread wide, sir. Any further and we’d split down the middle.’

Vetinari walked around his desk at speed and said, ‘Good, then you could both work more efficiently! It appears, Mister Lipwig, that you do not understand the nature of our relationship. I ask, very politely, for you to achieve something, bearing in mind that there are other ways I could ask, and it is your job to get things done. You are, after all, a man who can apparently do anything, the great Mister Lipwig, yes? And my advice to you is to cease all the work that does not assist in getting from here to Uberwald in the quickest possible time. Everything else can, and will, wait.’

He held up his hand. ‘Do not tell me what the problems are, just tell me the solutions. Indeed, you do not need to tell me the solutions, you merely have to achieve them.’

Moist said, ‘Do you mind if I sit down, sir?’

‘By all means, Mister Lipwig. Do get the man a drink, Drumknott. He looks a little hot.’

‘I have to ask, sir … Why does it have to be done like this?’

Vetinari smiled. ‘Can you keep a secret, Mister Lipwig?’

‘Oh, yes, sir. I’ve kept lots.’

‘Capital. And the point is, so can I. You do not need to know.’

Moist tried. ‘Sir! Even now the trains are part of life to a lot of people, especially to those on the Plains who commute! We can’t just drop everything, sir!’

‘Mister Lipwig. Is there something in the word “tyrant” you do not understand?’

In desperation Moist said, ‘We don’t have enough workers, sir! Not enough people to man the foundries! Not enough people to dig the ore! We’ve probably got enough stock now to get halfway, but it’s all about the workers.’

‘Yes,’ said Lord Vetinari. ‘It is. Isn’t it. Think on that, Mister Lipwig.’

‘What about the wizards? Can’t they get up off their fat backsides and help their city?’