Dick looked at Moist as if he was an infant and said, ‘Can’t you see it, Mister Lipwig? You drives your engine on to t’turning table and, here’s the clever bit, you turn the whole thing around and it’s now facing t’other way!’
And then Mr Simnel danced on the circular iron table in his clogs as it slowly revolved, and shouted, ‘Grand! Gradely! We’re nearly there!’
The triumph was emphasized with a hiss like Iron Girder at the end of a long run, which would have been a fitting end to the experiment, except that it took some time to get the troll to stop turning the handle so that Dick, who was starting to look a little green from the continued revolutions, could get off.
Happy that the tussle of wills between the other companies operating on the Sto Plains was being ably managed by Thunderbolt and Drumknott, no doubt with assistance from the dark clerks, Moist was looking forward to a period of domestic harmony, when he was summoned to the palace.
He was not surprised to see his lordship staring at the day’s crossword puzzle. Drumknott whispered from behind Moist, ‘There’s a new compiler, you know, and I’m sad to say that it looks like an improvement. However, his lordship is doing his best.’
Lord Vetinari looked up and said, ‘Mister Lipwig. Can it be that there is a word quaestuary?’
Actually, Moist knew exactly what it meant because of his misspent youth and so he girded his metaphorical loins and said, ‘I think you might find, sir, that it means someone doing business simply for profit. I remember coming across the word once upon a time and it puzzled me because I thought profit was what business is all about.’
His lordship’s face didn’t move a muscle until he said, ‘Quite so, Mister Lipwig.’ And he pushed the paper aside and stood up. ‘I hear that the line to Quirm is all but completed … If the Quirm Assembly is still dragging its feet I shall have to have a word with Monsieur Jean Némard … one of my special words. I have to say, Mister Lipwig, that your contribution to the development of the railway has been most gratifying to observe and I am sure we are all in your debt.’
‘Oh,’ said Moist. ‘Does that mean I can get back to my day job and see my wife more than once every week or so?’
‘Of course you may, Mister Lipwig! You have, after all, been acting in an entirely voluntary capacity. However, my business now concerns the railway to Uberwald. So I have to ask you, how soon can we have a locomotive run all the way there? Nonstop.’
Moist was taken aback. ‘You couldn’t do it, sir. Not non-stop. You have to take on water and coal and it must be more than a thousand miles up there!’