A ding sounded into the canyon, ringing against the basin, and I turned, expecting the boar, or Jakub, seeing through me again, but the sound broadcast from my pocket. Another emoji, this one with downcast eyes, like a chastised child. I couldn’t bear Jakub, crouched on the camp lawn or in a Communist block apartment somewhere, communicating with cartoon circles. I was a monster. Another ping, Rosie: Where are you? Electricity rioted in my core. Soon she’d meet me with my haircut, my Polish hoodie, and my news. Whichever way her expression shifted at what I had to tell her, I was going forward. Even if that meant facing every step alone and heartbroken.

I’m not ready, I typed. When I hit send, my mask loosened and slid free, dangling around my neck. The wind cooled the pads of my cheeks. I knew what I was doing, and that was enough, for now. Soon I’d be immersed in the water, cold and deep and heavy.

Acknowledgments

Acknowledgments

Thank you so much to my brilliant and visionary agent Samantha Shea for standing by me through the years and for her radical, creative solutions, and my genius of an editor Leigh Newman, who sees through my tricks and makes everything a thousand times better with her keen eye and breathtaking imagination. I could never ask for better supporters than the two of you. Thank you to Kaiya Shang at Scribner UK for finding me across the ocean and believing in me, and to Valerie Borchardt and everyone at Abner Stein for making it happen. Thank you also to Cassie Gross, Rachel Ludwig, and everyone else at Georges Borchardt Literary Agency. Thanks to Alisha Gorder, Wah-Ming Chang, Sue Ducharme, Megan Fishmann, Nicole Caputo, Rachel Fershleiser, Katie Boland, and everyone at Catapult. What a perfect home—I’m so lucky.

Thank you to the magazine editors who took chances on the stories in this book and made them so much better: Emily Nemens at The Paris Review and The Southern Review; Hasan Altaf at The Paris Review; Cara Blue Adams for accepting “Pioneer” initially, years before I met her; Mark Drew at The Gettysburg Review; Will Allison and Patrick Ryan at One Story; and Adeena Reitberger and Rebecca Markovits at American Short Fiction. Infinite thanks to Bill Henderson at Pushcart Press, who gave me my first break and made a home for three of my stories, whom I’ve never had the privilege of meeting in person, and who must be a saint among humans.