They should call it the “smellfish” section, I thought. Sure enough, there in the case, on ice, were these really huge shrimp. And I saw the sign I’d remembered from last week when I went to the market with Mom and Dad: “JUMBO SHRIMP.” Shrimp means “small” and jumbo means “big.” That absolutely had to be an oxymoron.

I pointed the camera at the shrimp, held my breath, and pressed the button. If nothing happened, I’d be in big trouble.

CLICK!

Big sigh.

One down, six to go.

CHAPTER FIVE

Opposites Attract

As I walked away from the fish department, I wondered if I’d find any other oxymorons in the supermarket. Dozens of foods flashed through my mind. “Cold hot dogs!” I said as the idea hit me. I ran to the cooler where they had all the packaged meats and tried to take a picture of a pack of franks.

No click.The camera didn’t work. I started to get worried, but then I realized the problem. “Cold” was the opposite of “hot,” but it wasn’t the opposite of “hot dogs.” So while “cold hot dogs” might be a strange phrase, it wasn’t an oxymoron.

As I wandered down the next aisle, I tried to think of words I’d find in the supermarket. “Fresh” was one.They used that a lot. “Fresh sour cream,” I said out loud. But that wasn’t any better than “cold hot dogs.”

When I reached the ice cream, I watched a guy open the door, stare inside for a moment, then close it. That gave me a great idea. The inside of the door was frosty. I went over and wrote on it with my finger. True lies. That was an oxymoron. Feeling proud of my cleverness, I raised the camera.

No click.

I guess that was cheating. I had to find the oxymorons out in the world, not make them myself.

Then, as I scanned the rest of the aisles, I saw a display of paper plates, and—stacked up right next to it—glasses. Made of plastic. “Plastic glasses,” I said, testing the feel of the oxymoron as I spoke it out loud. It felt right.

As I raised the camera, I was pretty sure it would work.

CLICK!

Thank goodness. That made two.

I found the third oxymoron without even looking for it. I was walking past the area where the store sold cooked food. It was like a small cafeteria right next to the deli section. I spotted two big soup pots. One held clam chowder, which I don’t like at all. The other had chili.The sign above it read: “Red-hot chili.” It almost didn’t sink in at first. Then I got to thinking: Chili sounds just like chilly, which means “cold.”

CLICK!