“Uh-huh,” she said.

“And, um, well, I’m a teacher. I should teach. We need to raise a strong, solid generation of survivors. Right now we’re soft. You, me, the whole Western world. We’re the result of growing up in unprecedented comfort and stability. It’s the kids of today that’ll have to make the world of tomorrow work. And they’re going to inherit a mess. I can really do a lot more by preparing kids for the world that’s to come. I should stay here on Earth where I’m needed.”

“On Earth,” she repeated. “Where you’re needed.”

“Y-Yeah.”

“As opposed to on the Hail Mary, where you could be instrumental in solving the entire problem because you’re completely trained for the task.”

“It’s not like that,” I said. “I mean. It’s a little like that. But look, I’m no good on a crew. I’m not some intrepid explorer.”

“Oh, I know,” she said. She clenched her fist and looked to the side for a moment. Then back to me with a burning gaze I’d never seen before. “Dr. Grace. You’re a coward and you’re full of shit.”

I winced.

“If you really cared so much about the children, you’d get on that ship without hesitation. You could save billions of them from the apocalypse instead of preparing hundreds of them for it.”

I shook my head. “It’s not about that—”

“Do you think I don’t know you, Dr. Grace?!” she yelled. “You’re a coward and you always have been. You abandoned a promising scientific career because people didn’t like a paper you wrote. You retreated to the safety of children who worship you for being the cool teacher. You don’t have a romantic partner in your life because that would mean you might suffer heartbreak. You avoid risk like the plague.”

I stood up. “Okay, it’s true! I’m afraid! I don’t want to die! I worked my ass off on this project and I deserve to live! I’m not going, and that’s final! Get the next person on the list—that Paraguayan chemist. She wants to go!”

She slammed her fist on the table. “I don’t care who wants to go. I care who’s most qualified! Dr. Grace, I’m sorry, but you are going on that mission. I know you’re afraid. I know you don’t want to die. But you’re going.”

“You’re out of your darn mind. I’m leaving now.” I turned to the door.

“Meknikov!” she shouted.

The soldier deftly stepped between me and the door.

I turned back to her. “You have got to be kidding.”

“It would have been easier if you’d just said yes.”

“What’s your plan?” I jerked a thumb at the soldier. “Hold me at gunpoint for four years during the trip?”

“You’ll be in a coma during the trip.”

I tried to dart past Meknikov, but he stopped me with arms of iron. He wasn’t rough about it. He was just monumentally stronger than I was. He held me by the shoulders and faced me toward Stratt.