Contents ( 84)
- ONE
- TWO
- THREE
- FOUR
- FIVE
- SIX
- SEVEN
- EIGHT
- NINE
- TEN
- ELEVEN
- TWELVE
- THIRTEEN
- FOURTEEN
- FIFTEEN
- SIXTEEN
- SEVENTEEN
- EIGHTEEN
- NINETEEN
- TWENTY
- TWENTY-ONE
- TWENTY-TWO
- TWENTY-THREE
- TWENTY-FOUR
- TWENTY-FIVE
- TWENTY-SIX
- TWENTY-SEVEN
- TWENTY-EIGHT
- TWENTY-NINE
- THIRTY
- THIRTY-ONE
- THIRTY-TWO
- THIRTY-THREE
- THIRTY-FOUR
- THIRTY-FIVE
- THIRTY-SIX
- THIRTY-SEVEN
- THIRTY-EIGHT
- THIRTY-NINE
- FORTY
- FORTY-ONE
- FORTY-TWO
- FORTY-THREE
- FORTY-FOUR
- FORTY-FIVE
- FORTY-SIX
- FORTY-SEVEN
- FORTY-EIGHT
- FORTY-NINE
- FIFTY
- FIFTY-ONE
- FIFTY-TWO
- FIFTY-THREE
- FIFTY-FOUR
- FIFTY-FIVE
- FIFTY-SIX
- FIFTY-SEVEN
- FIFTY-EIGHT
- FIFTY-NINE
- SIXTY
- SIXTY-ONE
- SIXTY-TWO
- SIXTY-THREE
- SIXTY-FOUR
- SIXTY-FIVE
- SIXTY-SIX
- SIXTY-SEVEN
- SIXTY-EIGHT
- SIXTY-NINE
- SEVENTY
- SEVENTY-ONE
- SEVENTY-TWO
- SEVENTY-THREE
- SEVENTY-FOUR
- SEVENTY-FIVE
- SEVENTY-SIX
- SEVENTY-SEVEN
- SEVENTY-EIGHT
- SEVENTY-NINE
- EIGHTY
- EIGHTY-ONE
- EIGHTY-TWO
- EIGHTY-THREE
- Acknowledgements
‘So what did she do?’
‘Who?’ The pause had derailed Dempsey’s thought process.
‘Maria. You said she changed your life. How did she do that?’
Dempsey thought for a moment. He was back there again.
‘She . . . she made me see the world for what it really was. She made me realise that I’d been lied to. Lied to and used. And she made me want to be a better man.’
‘What happened?’
‘I opened my eyes. I started to understand that not everything I was asked to do was justified. But that didn’t mean that everything was wrong. A lot of what I did was still necessary. For the greater good. I just didn’t take it as read any more. I needed to be shown before I’d act. Persuaded.’
‘And your superiors were OK with that?’
‘I was the best at what I did.’ Dempsey could hardly believe his own words. Since Maria, the only person he’d shared any of this with was Sam Cooke. ‘They had no choice.’
‘And Maria?’
‘She understood. She knew that I had to do what I had to do. For the greater good. Without me innocent people would have suffered and died. Maria understood that and she supported me.’
‘But you still left her? After all of that?’
‘I had to.’
‘Why?’
‘Because I hurt her. I saw it happen. And I could never allow that to happen to her again.’
Dempsey could feel the sting of tears in his eyes. A sensation he had not experienced in years. At least not without some physical cause. His emotions were getting to him.
He began to push back. To fight through the fog.
‘You mean you hit her?’
‘Hit her?’ The question shocked him. ‘No. No, never. I would never.’
‘Then how did you hurt her?’
‘It was a letter.’ His head was clearing. But still he could not help but answer. ‘When a special forces operative gets deployed they write a letter. To their wife or partner, but left with the unit. It’s a goodbye, to be passed on if we don’t make it back. You know the sort of thing I mean?’
‘I can imagine.’
‘After almost a year together we got engaged and Maria moved to the UK. To live with me. And then a month after that I was sent away. To Africa. A problem in the Congo. It didn’t go well; I had to go to ground and I was reported Missing in Action.’
‘And Maria was given the letter?’ Grace guessed.
‘She was devastated. Torn to pieces. And so was I, when I came back and saw what it had done to her. It broke me. I couldn’t put her through that again. I . . .’
Dempsey broke off, reliving the memory.
Grace gave him a moment before pushing further.
‘Then why not leave? If you didn’t want to put her through that, why not resign your commission to be with her?’
‘I fought with myself over exactly that question. And believe me, there was nothing I wanted to do more. But I’d done so many terrible things. I needed to make them right. I still need to make them right . . .’