“No, it’s all right, dear,” Mom said. “Rachael is quite right. The relationship between men and women is a beautiful gift from God to each person who is called to marriage. But misuse of this precious gift is a tragedy. It’s not fun, it’s just sad! Like a bad child sneaking down to the Christmas tree early on Christmas morning and ripping open all his presents before the rest of the family is awake. It spoils it for later. When God put Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, then they had a perfect relationship with each other. That’s the way it’s supposed to be. One man and one woman for a lifetime. And when they become one flesh, then this is the fulfillment ofthe physical side of marriage. But the physical side doesn’t mean anything unless there is a spiritual side too. And the only people who can really know the fullness of how marriage is supposed to be are born-again Christians who are also the bride of Christ.”

Mom took a deep breath. Dad was looking straight ahead. He never contributed to The Talk. It was Mom’s Talk. It was her job to put “these things” into perspective. Let her give The Talk, let her draw the neat little diagrams showing how the ovaries were connected to “the wonderful womb.” And how “wonderful and beautiful” it all was and how we weren’t ashamed of the wonderful gift God had given each of us to “use at the right time,” in “fulfillment of marriage.” He, Dad, would pretend he was somewhere else. Mom was the head of the household in the department of sexual piety.

“Like you and Dad, Mom?”

“Oh, Rachael!”

“No, it’s all right, Janet,” said Mom. “Like Dad and me? What do you mean, Rachael?”

“Like you, and Dad, I mean the beautiful fulfillment . . .”

“Oh I see.”

“Rachael!” squealed Janet.

“No, Janet, it’s good to ask these questions.”

Janet glared at Rachael, Dad stared stolidly ahead, I stared at the fountain we were passing with its rococo nymphs playfully helping a wide-hipped Venus out of her plaster shell to the greater glory of Italy and in remembrance of the war dead of 1914-18. Mom got her very sweet “Im-very-glad-you-asked-that-question” expression on her face. Her voice went up an octave because she was so cheerful in answering Rachael’s good question. It was all just “so normal” and “healthy"to talk about “these things.”

“Yes, Rachael, your father and I have had the joy of a faithful marriage in which we have sought the Lord’s will before our own.”

“So you didn’t unwrap the ‘presents’ before Christmas?”

“Rachael!!”

“No, Janet, it’s all right,” said Mom.

But Dad had had enough of this. “Maybe you and Rachael want to talk about all this when you’re alone.”