I catch up with Inspector Barker as he steps into the dim yellow glow of the low-ceilinged lounge room at the Bull and Sparrow. He walks straight into Tom, who has stopped just inside the door to put his bags down and unbutton his coat. Barker gets Tom’s attention by kneeing Tom in the back of his leg but Tom is too short and sturdy to collapse. ‘Oi, yer bastard,’ says Tom as he turns, knowing it’s Barker behind him. The way they speak to each other in the band is completely different from the way they speak to each other if their paths cross at work.

Barker pulls a cheesy grin and lifts his new case to his chest, cradling it as you would a child, patting its bottom.

‘That’s never …?’ asks Tom.

Barker beams.

‘We are going to get a good look, aren’t we?’ says Tom.

Barker hesitates. He has been both anticipating and dreading this moment. He knows that Tom, of all people, will appreciate the beauty of an Uluru. Not everyone else will – not even band members. Not all ukulele players are collectors, after all – incredibly, some members of the band only own one, not so much as a mandolin on the side – but many are, like him, sufferers of UAS, or Ukulele Acquisition Syndrome. Tom has it even worse than him – he has eleven instruments to Barker’s six.

He wants Tom to appreciate the Uluru but he doesn’t want to hand it over and let him play a few chords, not on its first outing. It would be like handing Tom a pair of brand new shoes he had just bought and inviting him to take a walk in them with no socks on.

He goes for the obvious delaying tactic. ‘What you having?’ He nods towards the bar.

‘He’s got Jaipur in tonight, pint o’ that would be very nice, thanks very much,’ Tom replies.

‘Jaipur, really?’ Barker had come in looking forward to a Citra but Jaipur from the Thornbridge Brewery hasn’t been in since the last Beer Festival.

Barker bags his chair round the table by leaving the Uluru propped up on it, still in its case – nobody will touch it when it’s all zipped up.

There are half a dozen people at the bar already, getting their pints in before rehearsal starts while Bob, their conductor, waits impatiently for them all to assemble. Barker takes two pints of Jaipur back to his seat and puts the Uluru on the table in front of him while he settles, takes out his iPad and props it up on its stand.