We’d begun to make plans for the future. He was trying to decide whether he should re-enlist in the Army, and though I tried not to sway him in either direction, I was terrified for him to leave on a deployment. I needed him here with me, not in danger halfway around the world. I couldn’t imagine having our baby without him there. If I was being completely honest, I couldn’t even imagine going a day without seeing him. He’d become as necessary to me as breathing.

We agreed that no matter what he chose to do, we’d keep our apartment at least until I graduated in June. After I had my degree, I’d have a lot of options career-wise, and I could find a management job anywhere once the baby was old enough to go to day care. Alex was a little more limited in his job choices, which was why we’d started discussing what he’d do when his career in the Army came to an end.

He hadn’t made a final decision, but I had a feeling that Alex was leaning toward getting out of the military and moving back to Oregon to be near his family and join the family business. I tried to stay neutral when we discussed the pros and cons of moving to Oregon, but I was pretty sure he saw right through me. I loved the idea of raising our child surrounded by aunts, uncles, and cousins.

It was kind of crazy, especially for someone who’d started making five-year plans when she was sixteen, but I hadn’t really thought very far into the future when we’d gotten married. I’d been concerned only with the immediate changes in our lives. Now I couldn’t stop planning for our future, even when I was supposed to be focusing on other things.

“Do you think if we lived near your parents, your mom could keep the baby while I worked?” I asked, looking up from the paper I was writing. I’d thought that Alex would be a distraction, but I’d had no idea how a baby would completely shift my focus. I was learning to deal with the constant bombardment of thoughts that didn’t have anything to do with what I was working on, but it still drove me a little crazy.

“You’re supposed to be writing,” Alex replied, pulling his headset off and pausing the video game he was playing.

“I know, but I was just thinking that we’ll have to find childcare,” I said, leaning back and stretching my arms above my head. Alex had been right—I did hunch over my keyboard. “But we don’t know anyone here.”

“That’s a long way off,” he said.

“I’m a planner,” I replied. “It’s what I do.”