Sarai was right—her breasts hadn’t grown much, but they had become a little firmer, the tiny blue veins more pronounced. Her cheeks were just a fraction rounder, and her back arched just a little more as she walked. Her belly was slightly curved in a way that no one else would notice unless they were obsessed with her naked body the way I was.

I’d noticed other things, too. Changes in mannerisms and food preferences. Frequent midnight trips to the bathroom. The way she fell asleep the minute her head hit the pillow, when before it had always taken her a little while to wind down from the day.

It was kind of amazing, the things I noticed now that I was looking for changes. Now that I knew our baby was growing inside her, I paid more attention than I ever had. I mentally catalogued everything she did, every move she made. I tried to hide the way I watched her, but I had a feeling that she was beginning to notice. She didn’t call me a creeper outright, but more than once she’d closed the bathroom door while she did her makeup, or turned away while she ate her breakfast, to give herself a little privacy.

As Sarai let out a little snore, I smiled and carefully climbed back out of bed to make sure the doors and windows were locked. A lot of things had changed since Sarai and I had gotten married, and even more changes had happened once I knew that we had a baby on the way. It was as if I was seeing everything differently now. For the first time in my life, I paid attention to expiration dates on the food in our fridge. I bought organic. I followed speed limit signs. All of a sudden I remembered to turn the fan on when I was taking a shower, every single time because I was afraid of mold. There were a million different dangers in the world, and it felt as though I had just discovered every single one.

It wasn’t only the little things that I noticed; I was also struggling with the big things. My re-enlistment was looming, and I still didn’t know what decision I was going to make. I hadn’t brought it up with Sarai yet, because I knew that she was already dealing with more stress than she should have to. We would have to have that discussion soon, though. The thought of being away from her for a long period of time put my stomach in knots, but the idea of getting out of the Army and losing my health insurance and income was just as scary. I’d deployed twice already, and I wasn’t exactly looking forward to doing it a third time, but if my life hadn’t changed, I wouldn’t have even considered staying home.