When Sophie and Kelly have finished working their magic I look—not healthy; I am too skinny for that—but still beautiful. I head into the bedroom alone to get dressed. Someone has placed two bags on the bed. I unzip the larger bag, the familiar one, and smile sadly as the first sliver of material is revealed. Although I have a beautiful dress hanging in the wardrobe that has been modified to fit me perfectly, this morning when I found out the wedding was going ahead I had a change of heart. There was really only one dress I wanted, and that was the dress I wore on the farm, the day James and I went for a swim in the river. So I called Sophie from the hospital and, luckily for me, I had damaged it enough that she couldn’t return it to the designer, and it was still in her office. It has been dry-cleaned, I notice, because when I sheepishly handed it back to Sophie that day it was with a few grass stains around the bottom and a small tear from where I had left it draped over the tree branch. There’s no sign of the tear now; whoever repaired it has done it so expertly that I can’t even see where it was. I lift it to my face and inhale, hoping to catch the scent of him, but there’s nothing, of course. Laying it carefully on the bed, I turn my attention to the other bag. Inside I find a beautiful pair of shoes, cream colored to match the dress. They are like ballet flats, but delicate and with an intricate lacy pattern. They are very pretty, and definitely more me than a pair of stilettos would have been.

My mother, predictably, cries at the sight of me. I have to make her leave or she will set me off, and I don’t want to ruin Sophie’s efforts. So she goes on ahead of the bridesmaids and me, down to the beach below Kate’s house, where I decided to hold the ceremony part of the celebration. The plan is I will walk down an aisle, just as if it were a normal wedding, only instead of toward a minister and groom there will be a podium, from where I can say a few words. Wedding ceremonies are typically very short, and even though this day is not typical in the least, it’s a hot day, so I’m hoping to keep this part of the day short. Then it’s celebration time. Not that I’m in the mood for partying without James, but I have to try to put that behind me, just for today.

Kate and Amanda, my bridesmaids, emerge from Kate’s room and I gasp audibly. “Oh, you guys; you look amazing,” I say tearfully, waving my hands frantically in front of my eyes in a futile effort to dispel sudden tears.

“Scrub up OK, don’t we?” Amanda preens.

They are wearing beautiful draping dresses in a soft gold color. With their hair loosely plaited over one shoulder, tanned skins, and skillfully applied makeup, they look like Grecian goddesses.