My head whirls and I begin to feel sick again.

‘That’s not true, Tomas,’ I sigh, suddenly overcome with weariness. ‘I always liked you, as a friend. I never pitied you.’

‘But then… that awful morning. When I saw you with him.’ Tomas’s face twists in disgust. ‘It ate away at me. I kept seeing it, couldn’t understand, couldn’t bear it. Then I realised – you aren’t so perfect. You’re tainted, like the rest of us. So that meant, I did have a chance. The Jew brainwashed you, I know that – but it meant I could forgive you, because it wasn’t your fault. I didn’t tell anyone what I saw, kept my mouth shut. And I’ve been bloody patient – so I deserve something in return for all that, don’t I?’

I stare at him. There is a sourness on my tongue.

I won’t be anyone’s reward.

‘I still want to beat the hell out of him,’ Tomas says, shuffling his feet, pushing his glasses up his nose.

‘Well, you can’t. He’s left the country, so you’ve no need to worry about him anymore,’ I tell him coolly.

‘Thank God for that.’ He exhales heavily, then he grabs my hand and looks earnestly at me, his words a little slurred. ‘I’m sorry about earlier, honest. Won’t make that mistake again, but Hetty, please be my sweetheart. I shall go mad if I don’t have you.’

*

Vati is entertaining when Tomas delivers me back to my front door.

‘Herta, is that you?’ I hear him call from the sitting room. I long for nothing more than to climb the stairs, sink into my bed and disappear into the black oblivion of sleep.

‘Yes, Vati, I’m back from the dance.’

Whatever happens, always be true to yourself. Walter’s words. I hang on to them, a lifeline to pull me from the waters of despair.

In the sitting room is a man I recognise from pictures in the newspapers: Theo Gratz, Head of the Leipzig division of the Gestapo. Lord Mayor Otto is also here, but I don’t know who the other two men are.

‘Come on in, Herta, my darling. Don’t just stand there, come here, so I can show you off to these lovely gentlemen!’

Vati, rosy-cheeked from an evening of red wine and good food, beckons me over, arms wide and welcoming. The men all stand and nod to me as I make my way over. Vati wraps an arm around my shoulders.

‘My delightful daughter,’ he announces. ‘Seventeen, and ripening nicely.’ The men all chuckle. ‘Isn’t she pretty?’ he asks, looking around at them.

I want to run far, far away, but I stand exposed in the middle of them all, like a brood mare, while they look me up and down.

Vati laughs and pats my hair. ‘A bit fiery, this one, but a spell at Hausfrau school should do the trick. Calm her down. She’ll make someone a good wife one day.’

The men nod and smile at me.