I wrestle now with all my strength, wild with panic, screaming into his mouth. For a few more seconds he resists, pressing harder, then suddenly he releases me. Pulls away, sits up. Chest heaving, breathing hard.

We stare at each other. I curl up. Knees to chest, arms wrapped around them, a small, tight ball.

‘What the hell. Shit.’ Tomas slides away from me along the bench.

‘Why didn’t you stop? You hurt me,’ I sob.

I run backwards in my mind. What did I say, what did I do to lead him on? What made him think…?

He puts his elbows on his knees, head in his hands. He’s shaking. ‘I’m sorry, Hetty, I got carried away. I never meant to hurt you.’

I wipe a trembling hand across my mouth.

Was it me?

‘Shit. Shit. Shit. I’ve had too much to drink. Forgive me, please. Can you forgive me?’

‘It’s – it’s okay, Tomas.’

‘Damn it. I just really like you. I mean. If you knew how much I like you. Love you. For so long. I shouldn’t have come on so strong.’

I’m trembling uncontrollably. I hug myself tighter. It wasn’t my fault.

‘Don’t ever do that to me again.’

‘Thing is, Hetty, I’ve thought about this for ages. Realised I’ve approached it all wrong. So, I thought, it’s now or never, see?’

‘Now or never for what?’ I straighten my dress. My back hurts where the arm of the bench dug in and my breast is sore. I wish I could stop trembling, wish we could go back to the bar, wish I could go home.

I thought I knew you, Tomas. But it seems I got you wrong, too.

‘I’ve been too much of a coward. Never been able to pluck up the courage.’

‘What on earth do you mean? I thought we were friends. Only friends.’

‘I thought about it and realised, I’d not been forward enough. I needed to show you how much I want you, see, and I thought that’s the sort of thing you wanted. You know, after I saw you with that – that dirty bastard!’ His fists are clenched and the muscles in his jaw contract. ‘It still haunts me, Hetty.’

Anger rises like bile in my throat.

‘What did you think I wanted, Tomas? Exactly what kind of girl do you think I am? How dare you assume…’

I have to get away from him. He’s mad, unstable. I jump up and stumble away from the bench.

He rushes after me, catches hold of my arm.

‘Wait! Look. I’m sorry, okay. I got it wrong. Badly wrong. I always seem to when it comes to girls. I can’t help being jealous – you’re all I’ve ever wanted. You’re better than every other girl. But you were always out of my reach. Living in that great big house. I mean, you were untouchable. Like some sort of angel. Even when we were kids, you were different. When everyone else picked on me, you didn’t care. You ignored them all and stuck by me. But you did it from a great height, like I was someone to pity. I mean, the bullying only stopped because of you. You saved me, and I could never match up. I’d’ve done anything to impress you. I did everything to impress you. But I knew I never had a hope in hell. A girl like you would never want to be with someone like me.’ He takes a breath and jabs the toe of his boot into the ground.