First of all, flattering as it is that you come to me for advice, referring to me as older and wiser makes me sound as if I’m ready for a nursing home. While recent health issues have left me a little fragile, I’m not quite ready to be put out to pasture just yet.

Secondly, advice on matters of the heart is where I truly fall down. There might be a few things I know how to do in this world but being in a successful relationship surely isn’t one of them.

This much I do know – and once again this is coming purely from a male perspective – men are the apex cowards of the world. We’ve got these walls up for our own protection. When we’re around women, we tend to say and do stupid things – and so those stupid things make women think that we’re simple.

It’s hard to open up about our feelings to other people – especially when we don’t know how they’re feeling about us. Safer to just wait until they tell us how they feel, instead of us making the first move.

So, if we’re not absolutely sure how someone feels about us, most of us aren’t going to say a word because we’re terrified that we’re going to come across as pathetic or stupid, or in case we get shot down.

No man wants to be shot down.

Women have always been much more in tune with how things truly are. Men just kind of plod along, making stupid mistakes, and if we’re lucky, don’t do too much damage along the way. Me, I’ve made my fair share of mistakes and have lots of regrets too. And as for someone being off-limits? Story of my life.

I doubt I’ve been much help to you, sorry. The one thing I can tell you is that confusion in matters of the heart remains a conundrum across all generations.

Your hungry neighbour,

P-1

Chapter 42

WARD

Ward saw Johnny smirking at him from the corner of his eye and he turned away from the mirror and glared at his friend. ‘You got something you want to say?’

Johnny grinned and shook his head, barely able to keep the amusement out of his voice. He’d dropped in to wish him luck before the event, both hoping that tonight would herald Ward’s official Panthers return.

‘It’s just … I’ve never seen you like this, man. You’ve been standing in front of that mirror for ten minutes just looking at yourself all twitchy. It’s like you’ve almost become … civilized or something.’

‘You want to take this outside, I can show you how quick I become uncivilized, pal.’