‘Not really. I had a nana nap, remember?’

‘I remember. I also remember telling you what I wanted to do this afternoon.’ Swoon.

‘You said you wanted to do that if we were alone on the boat. We were hardly alone.’

‘I am well aware of that, believe me. So, do you want to have a nightcap when we get back to the boat? We could sit up top,’ he asked.

‘Sure.’ Ahead of us, Marie and Gary held hands, and I can’t tell you how much I wished Josh would reach down and hold my hand. But he didn’t.

At the boat, we said goodnight to Gary and Marie, which included hugs from Marie. I wanted to get a jacket from my cabin, and I was super quiet opening the door so I didn’t wake Hannah. I needn’t have worried; she wasn’t back yet. Josh made us gin and tonics – sans lime or lemon, because we’d run out – and we climbed up onto the deck and moved to the bow where we could talk without disturbing the others.

‘Nice night,’ I said, when the pressure of the silence became too much. I wondered why, when we could usually talk about anything, there were still times when it felt awkward between us. And then I wondered if it was just me, because Josh seemed to be studying the stars contentedly. He turned and smiled at me. Yup. It was just me. I really needed to chill out.

‘You know how you said you want your life to be bigger?’ I asked. It was a non sequitur, but he fell easily into step.

‘Sure.’

‘Well, I do too.’ I took a sip of my drink.

‘How do you mean?’

I paused for a moment, not quite sure how to phrase it. ‘Well, right now I feel completely stuck.’

‘In what way?’

I laughed a wry laugh. ‘In every way. Even in the way I think about things. We’re sitting here, not saying anything, and I’m all tied up in knots because I think it’s awkward. You’re probably not thinking that at all.’

I was relieved when he didn’t mock me. ‘No. I just like being with you.’

‘Me too. But why can’t I be like you, and just be? Why do I fret so much?’

‘You’re very hard on yourself.’

‘I haven’t even got started. The reason I long for something else, something bigger is that I feel so dissatisfied – and I have no reason to be, which makes me feel like the most ungrateful person alive.’ His brow furrowed, but he didn’t say anything, so I continued.

‘I mean, I have a good life. I do. I have good friends, and a good job, I get to travel quite a bit – which I love.’

‘There’s a but coming,’ he said, encouragingly.