What about the law? You wanted to get into law, remember? I broke my silence.

I’m lonely, Del, she replied.

And you think a child is going to make you feel less lonely? I snapped back.

If only she knew what loneliness meant. If only she knew how selfish it all sounded. I wanted to walk away there and then and let her stew in her imagined misery. I wanted to slap her and say, you have a husband who loves you, you have a life that some women would kill for and now you want a child to complete it, like another handbag. But I didn’t.

Once Fairman and I find a baby, our lives will be perfect. I know it.

You know Fairman is married to the company, just like Omar. You know that right? You know that having a baby is the hardest, most difficult thing in the world, right? That you don’t sleep for weeks and months, that you’re tired all the time…and when they’re sick…

She cut in. Del, I know. And I will be prepared. Her eyes suddenly looked hard. I am not an idiot. Her hand reaching out to grasp mine and as if to say… I will not do it the way you did. I pulled away.

Look, I’m sorry if I am being insensitive, but you’re my friend and friends talk to each other. Sorry for saying this, but I really want a child…It’s a simple as that. Surely you would understand…?

I do, I replied sharply. It’s just hard okay. My life is fucked, really… I was trying to stay calm and not disintegrate into a sobbing mess. I took a large gulp to steady myself. So tell me about the baby then, how is this going to happen?

You know Kim Harrison? She already has one kid and has been trying to have another for years, but it just never happened. She heard of a woman called Mary who runs an adoption agency or something like that. Mary put the word out and apparently in a couple of weeks there was already a child…

How old? I asked.

I think she was a newborn, or maybe a week old? Very cute, curly hair, high nose, beautiful child. Her name is Natasha.

Natasha. I wondered if Natasha was someone else before she became Natasha.

This woman, do you think she has older kids as well?

I don’t know, but I was planning to call her next week, once Fairman gets back and we have a serious conversation about this… He’s been waffling, so I need to get a definite yes from him before I do this. But yes, it’s entirely possible! She clapped her hands in glee.

Sounds like a plan. I said quietly.

And how are you?

As if she really wanted to know. As if she really cared.