Chapters (30)
- OH, MONEY! MONEY!
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- Contents
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- Chapter I - Exit Mr. Stanley G. Fulton
- Chapter II - Enter Mr. John Smith
- Chapter III - The Small Boy at the Keyhole
- Chapter IV - In Search of Some Dates
- Chapter V - In Miss Flora's Album
- Chapter VI - Poor Maggie
- Chapter VII - Poor Maggie and Some Others
- Chapter VIII - A Santa Claus Held Up
- Chapter IX - "Dear Cousin Stanley"
- Chapter X - What Does it Matter?
- Chapter XI - Santa Claus Arrives
- Chapter XII - The Toys Rattle Out
- Chapter XIII - The Dancing Begins
- Chapter XIV - From Me to You with Love
- Chapter XV - In Search of Rest
- Chapter XVI - The Fly in the Ointment
- Chapter XVII - An Ambassador of Cupid's
- Chapter XVIII - Just a Matter of Begging
- Chapter XIX - Still Other Flies
- Chapter XX - Frankenstein: Being a Letter from John Smith to Edward D. Norton, Attorney at Law
- Chapter XXI - Sympathies Misplaced
- Chapter XXII - With Every Jim a James
- Chapter XXIII - Reflections—Mirrored and Otherwise
- Chapter XXIV - That Miserable Money
- Chapter XXV - Exit Mr. John Smith
- Chapter XXVI - Reenter Mr. Stanley G. Fulton
"Thanks. Very pretty, and I appreciate it, of course. But I can't wear but one suit of clothes at a time, nor eat but one dinner—which, by the way, just now consists of somebody's health biscuit and hot water. Twenty millions don't really what you might call melt away at that rate."
The lawyer frowned.
"Shucks, Fulton!" he expostulated, with an irritable twist of his hand. "I thought better of you than that. This poor rich man's 'one- suit, one-dinner, one-bed-at-a-time' hard-luck story doesn't suit your style. Better cut it out!"
"All right. Cut it is." The man smiled good-humoredly. "But you see I was nettled. You didn't get me at all. I asked you what was to become of my money after I'd done spending it myself—the little that is left, of course."
Once more from the lawyer's eyes flashed that keenly scrutinizing glance.
"What was it, Fulton? A midnight rabbit, or a wedge of mince pie NOT like mother used to make? Why, man alive, you're barely over fifty, yet. Cheer up! It's only a little matter of indigestion. There are a lot of good days and good dinners coming to you, yet."
The millionaire made a wry face.
"Very likely—if I survive the biscuits. But, seriously, Ned, I'm in earnest. No, I don't think I'm going to die—yet awhile. But I ran across young Bixby last night—got him home, in fact. Delivered him to his white-faced little wife. Talk about your maudlin idiots!"
"Yes, I know. Too bad, too bad!"
"Hm-m; well, that's what one million did—inherited. It set me to thinking—of mine, when I get through with them."
"I see." The lawyer's lips came together a little grimly. "You've not made your will, I believe."
"No. Dreaded it, somehow. Funny how a man'll fight shy of a little thing like that, isn't it? And when we're so mighty particular where it goes while we're living!"
"Yes, I know; you're not the only one. You have relatives—somewhere, I surmise."
"Nothing nearer than cousins, third or fourth, back East. They'd get it, I suppose—without a will."
"Why don't you marry?"
The millionaire repeated the wry face of a moment before.
"I'm not a marrying man. I never did care much for women; and—I'm not fool enough to think that a woman would be apt to fall in love with my bald head. Nor am I obliging enough to care to hand the millions over to the woman that falls in love with THEM, taking me along as the necessary sack that holds the gold. If it comes to that, I'd rather risk the cousins. They, at least, are of my own blood, and they didn't angle to get the money."
"You know them?"
"Never saw 'em."
"Why not pick out a bunch of colleges and endow them?"
The millionaire shook his head.