I hit the road again. Minus the bottle, the lock, the clothing, and the food, I feel light as a feather. The keys to the lock get tossed down a storm drain six blocks from my apartment. The clinking they make when they hit the ground is the sweet sound of success. Tomorrow I’m meeting friends for breakfast. It’s supposed to be unseasonably hot and humid this weekend. Health authorities recommend drinking lots of water.

10

Indian Summer

Not everyone realizes that killers with any ambition need to be in tip-top mental and physical condition. It’s just as important as planning. You have to be able to walk quickly for extended periods of time. Deal with stress without panicking, getting tired, or succumbing to exhaustion. Endure heat and cold, humidity, wet feet, the sweat that plasters our T-shirts to our torsos and our jeans to our thighs. Know your limits. Control your breathing so no one hears you. It’s critical that no one can take us down in the darkness. We can’t afford to be picky. We have to put up with mosquitoes and other biting insects. Wear sturdy shoes: popular models we buy on sale and then, like everything else we own, let sit a while before using them again. That way they’ll never find us. I, for one, am still at large. I’m in my living room eating Cheerios and watching the news. They found the body Thursday. There’s talk of a homicide. The police are tight-lipped. Because they’ve got nothing.

I’m a huge fan of the great outdoors. Friends and family would describe me as an avid hiker and camper. They think it’s my northern roots. They think I’m going to be a back-to-the-lander when I can no longer take the idea of translating another season of Dwarves: Larger Than Life. I’m an organized, trustworthy young woman. On time. Helpful. People even enjoy my slightly twisted sense of humour. I never let a good joke go to waste. Like when I helped some friends set up their modem: since they complained about being subject to the sound of their neighbours’ conjugal bouts, I named their network 4553StJude_wehearyoufucking. Three years later, that one still gets trotted out at every dinner party.