Chapters (24)
Sometimes she thought of the plan she’d first formed when she’d found out he attended St. Rosetta’s. Whenever she did, shame threatened to engulf her. A few times, she’d considered telling Grey the truth about it all. But then she realized he wasn’t the kind of person who’d take the news well. He was already so guarded, so expectant that the world would hurt him, and she didn’t want him to retreat back into his ten-foot-thick shell. She was enjoying being the person he told when he made an A on the biology test he thought he’d failed. Was there really any point to telling him about the plan? What good would it do, really? She just wanted to put it behind her. Let the past be the past. Grey already had so many things on his mind.
“The first snowfall,” Grey said, as if to her point. His voice carried a thread of so much poignant pain that Jaya was struck speechless for a moment. Her hand flew to her pendant in the next. Two more rubies had fallen in the night, leaving only ten rubies. “I wanted you to see it with me.” He glanced down at her. “I know that sounds silly, but… my birthday’s only a month away now.”
“It’s not silly,” Jaya said, taking his fingers in hers and squeezing them just once and very briefly, knowing physical touch unsettled him. But when she began to let go, he tightened his fingers around hers slightly, and so she held on, her heart thudding in her chest. They were holding hands. Grey wanted to hold her hand.
They looked at each other in silence.
“Time’s passing so quickly,” Grey said, turning back to the glass. “Too quickly.” After a beat, he added, “This snow feels like a harbinger of something.”
“Then it must be a harbinger of something good,” Jaya said firmly. “This is… magical,” she added in a whisper, her breath fogging the glass. Jaya turned to him in the dim glow of the moon reflecting off all that white sparkling snow. “Thank you for waking me.” As she spoke, the strap of her nightgown slipped down over one shoulder. She pushed it back up, her cheeks warm.
Grey’s eyes were hooded in the darkness. “Will you go for a walk with me?”
Jaya studied his expression, so intense, so focused. She knew she shouldn’t go with him; there would be no easy way to return from where he was inviting her. If she wanted to draw a hard line, if she wanted to place her responsibilities ahead of her heart, now was the time to do it. Now was the time to remember herself. She could do this. She could tell Grey Emerson no.
“Of course I’ll go,” Jaya whispered, her pulse pounding a warning she was too far gone to abide.