Lights. Tennal was going to have to fill in the gaps himself. He knew what he was like. He knew he was selfish. He knew he was lazy. He knew he made things worse as a defense, or a manipulation tactic, or simply because he was bored. The memories came filtering back into his head, as if he and Surit were condensing the essence of Tennal out of thin air.

Surit hesitated at the new memories. Yes, but, he said. And more came from him in a flood: the Tennal he had known over the past few stormy weeks, a hundred points of light. Surit wasn’t even playing down the worst parts. He just somehow saw them differently.

We tried to kill you, Tennal said.

That was the legislator. You never even tried to hurt me. It wasn’t excusing Tennal. It was a simple statement of fact. There doesn’t have to be a winner and a loser.

There’s always a loser, Tennal said.

Surit didn’t dignify that with a response. He was having more difficulty finding the last pieces of Tennal and fitting them back together. Tennal felt Surit’s spiking frustration. Tennal had some control of his own body now that his mind was rebuilding itself—not all the way, but enough for him to lift his hands and rub the base of his palms into his closed eyes.

Hey, it’s all right, he said, as Surit’s frustration peaked. It’s all right if I’m not salvageable. Not your fault.

Surit paused, no less frustrated, and said, Stop doing that.

Tennal had to explain. He had always operated on the principle of never explaining, but in this moment, half on the ship Surit commanded and half still in the void of deep space, he owed Surit.

I’m fucked up, Tennal said, as neutrally as possible. I blame, in no particular order: my aunt, my personality, society, my bad choices, and the inside of my own head. Oh, and being a reader, but that was never the root of the problem. Even with Orshan the way it is. Plenty of readers are well-adjusted and not complete assholes. The problem is my brain.

Tennal could feel Surit—not rejecting that, exactly, but dissenting. Surit didn’t deny that Tennal was fucked up, but Surit disagreed about the extent of the problem, and also felt things had been more unfair than Tennal had allowed.

Of course it’s unfair, Tennal said impatiently. The army was unfair on me, and it was unfair on you. The way they recruit readers is unfair on everyone. But we’re talking about me: Tennalhin Halkana, First Family, the nephew of the legislator. I have a charmed fucking life. My aunt was ready to commit murder just to get rid of my little reading problem. And look at Zin, who had exactly the same aunt and the same reader genes. She’s just fine.

Surit took a breath.