“Is there more that you need to tell me?” he asked, and I could see on his face that he was thinking, I know there is more that you need to tell me. This is a test, Frankie.

And of course there was. There was Zeke, and there was everything that happened that summer, all the details that were going to freak him out. There was more, of course there was.

“There is more,” I told him, “but I can’t handle it right now. I mean, I can tell you more, and I will tell you more, but I need some time to figure this out.”

“On your own,” he said, growing angry. “All by yourself.”

“Kind of?” I replied. “You keep something a secret this long, it takes a little while to untangle it. I just need you to be patient with me.”

“You’re not leaving us, are you?” he asked, and it looked like he might start crying. “You’re not going to go somewhere else and never come back?”

“No, god no. Aaron, no. You and Junie are the only things that I care about.”

“The poster,” he said.

“You and Junie are the only people I care about,” I corrected. “I will never, ever, ever leave you.”

“Okay,” he finally said, taking a deep breath.

“But I am going to go away for, like, a little while.”

“Frankie, Jeeeee-sus Christ,” he said.

“I need to clear up some things. I have to go back to Coalfield, you know? I have to tell my mom. I have to talk to this writer lady and make sure she gets all the details right.”

“Okay,” he said again. He looked so defeated.

This was the thing. I had kind of fucked up, but I had admitted it. And now, if he wanted to keep me, if he wanted to keep our life as it was, he would have to let me fuck things up a little more. But, like, this was marriage, right? This was love? I hoped it was.

I didn’t want to think about what came next, honestly. I had always depended on the fact that Aaron thought I was good. I was a good mother and a good partner and a good person. And if he didn’t think that, I wasn’t sure what I’d do.