“No,” she says. “But thank you.”

“Okay. If you’re sure.”

“I’m sure.”

“Miss Lewis, I’m sorry.” He steps closer. “Look, there won’t be an official apology from the bureau, because they don’t really do that. But I just wanted to tell you that me, personally? I’m sorry. Raymond’s operation was fucked up from the start, and the unsub had the jump on us.”

Emma lifts her chin. “That MT list Bell gave you. Do you still have it?”

“Yeah.”

“Then you won’t need to stretch far to ID that body in the cage over there.”

“Ah, Jesus—” Martino grabs for the pocket on the inside of his jacket.

Emma turns away.

When she gets out into the great hall, she hears someone else calling her name, and at first she thinks it’s Martino again, but then people in front of her are being pushed aside and Bell is there. His expression is so jagged, Emma almost takes a step back. He’s got a better bandage around his chest but he still looks pale as hell, and his breaths are heaving.

“It’s okay,” Emma says, flopping a hand. “Everything is…”

She stops, because she doesn’t know for sure if everything’s okay. She looks up at Bell and he steps closer and cups her face in his hands. He wipes her cheeks with his thumbs and slowly, slowly, Emma sinks in until his arms wrap around and he is holding her. The warmth of him thaws some of the numbness inside, but Bell is solid; he keeps holding her while her shoulders shake.

And that’s when she realizes that everything may not be okay, but everything is okay for now.

CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE

Ed Cooper’s memorial service is at one in the afternoon at the St. John’s Episcopal Church in Arlington. It’s crowded in the church, and so humid from people’s exhaled breath and body heat that the ushers open the rear doors.

Emma stands beside Bell near the back of the church during the service, hoping nobody will notice she’s wearing a dress in navy, not black. The dress is an older one she originally packed when she was leaving for Quantico, and it has a matching bolero jacket with tight sleeves. She remembers she nearly took the dress and the jacket out of her suitcase, but her mother told her there might be a formal dinner, and that “you can’t wear jeans to everything, Emma Anne.”

Now she stands in her wrong-colored dress, watching Bell to ensure he doesn’t fall over and listening to people tell commemorative stories about Cooper. At some point during the final eulogy by Cooper’s brother, Emma excuses herself to step outside. Bell seems all right, and she needs some air.

She stands out in the green yard to the west of the church, near a big old oak tree, and takes off her scarf. After a while, with the filtered sun and the soft breeze on her face, she starts to feel improved. A little while after that, Bell comes out to see her, walking across the grass.