One time back when I was in Year 11, a few weeks after I got out of the hospital, Nick said something he didn’t mean while we were eating dinner – some stupid thing about how I wasn’t trying hard enough – and I started having a go at him and it turned into a massive argument, ending with him leaving. But even then, he still came back a few hours later. And everything was okay again. I think that might have been the first time we slept in the same bed, actually.

I roll over so I’m out of the sun and pull my covers over my head, but the birds tweeting outside are too loud and it’s still too bright in my room, so I just end up lying there. I wish I could turn back time. I wish I could keep turning back time to Thursday, and every time I got to the end of Thursday, I’d rewind time to the beginning of Thursday again, and I’d just be with Nick every day for the rest of my life.

Can’t believe I even think stuff like this. Pathetic. I’m so pathetic.

“Morning,” says my sister Victoria when I slump down next to her on the lounge sofa. She’s in her pyjamas and dressing gown and is watching Bridesmaids with a large bag of Kettle Chips on her lap.

“Morning. Why are you watching a film at eleven o’clock in the morning?”

“Why not?”

“Why Kettle Chips?”

“First day of study leave treat.”

“It’s your second day of study leave.”

“Then… it’s my second day of study leave treat.”

I laugh and watch the film with her for a few minutes. I never really got into this film, but Victoria’s weirdly obsessed with it. It might be because the main character is super sarcastic, just like her.

“So… you feeling okay?” She turns to me. “Have you had breakfast?”

“Feel a bit sick. It’s nearly lunchtime anyway.”

“Hm.” She doesn’t comment. Normally Victoria’s the first one to make me eat when I don’t want to. “What happened to Nick last night? You’re lucky Becky had her car. And why were you drunk and crying in the conservatory?”

I groan and roll my head back against the sofa. “Do we have to talk about it?”

She shrugs and looks back at the screen. “Nope. Thought you might want to.”

We sit in silence for a minute.

And then I decide to tell her.

I tell her the full story, not that there’s much to tell anyway. Nick’s constantly talking about university, me getting all anxious about it, hearing about Elle and Tao, getting scared, saying stuff I shouldn’t have, Nick freaking out – everything is my fault, as usual.