That Crockett and I must come to blows was certain. The effrontery of his demand, to say nothing of the impertinence of his manner, precluded a less sanguinary resolution of our differences. It should not be supposed, however, that the agitations of my spirit were occasioned by mere personal concern—no, not though the prospect of hand-to-hand battle with a notorious frontier “brawler” was intrinsically daunting. The savagery of the backwoods combatant is both well known and widely deplored. Disdaining the rules of fair play which govern les affaires d’honneur in all civilized nations, these ruffians will, in the fury of battle, resort to the most barbaric tricks, not excluding eye-gouging, nose-biting, and other acts of bodily and facial mutilation. I myself once witnessed a bloody “free-for-all” between two burly Kentuckians which left the forearm of one contestant so savagely bitten that a surgeon was required to perform an immediate amputation.

That Crockett was capable of such bloodthirsty conduct was a matter not merely of public record but of positive pride to him. His autobiographical narrative was replete with accounts of his violent exploits. Here was a being who measured his worldly accomplishments in terms of slaughtered bears, slain “wildcats,” and scalped Indians, and whose favorite rifle was so dear to his heart that he had bestowed upon it the fond, feminine cognomen of “Betsy.”

Still, for all his backwoods braggadocio, I was not unduly alarmed at the idea of engaging with Crockett, who had, after all, passed a considerable portion of his recent life in the refining atmosphere of our nation’s political capital—a milieu which had undoubtedly exerted a somewhat softening influence upon his native ferocity.

Moreover, despite our disparate sizes, I felt confident in my ability to contest with even so formidable an opponent as Crockett. Like all men of talent (I will not call it genius, for such a designation, however accurate, must be left for others to apply), I have always provoked the envy of lesser mortals, who have vented their resentment in frequent libelous attacks upon my character. As those who truly know my character will attest, I have never permitted such insults to go unpunished, no matter how powerful the foe. I have thus been compelled on repeated occasions to deploy my pugilistic skills in the service of my Honor and bestow upon some blackguard the chastisement of a well-deserved drubbing.