Della watched in appreciation as he walked away. She was startled at how forward she’d been, but he seemed to like it. And so did she. She hadn’t been with Mr. Baxter long enough to figure out what she did and did not like in bed, except that he did have some skill in that arena, even if he was not who she’d hoped he was.

But it felt, with Lord Handsome, as though she were in charge. It felt exhilarating. She wanted to explore what pleased her, what pleased him, and how they could please one another.

And since she had no expectations of him beyond that, she would not be disappointed, as she had been in Mr. Baxter.

She hadn’t been selfish in any way since before Nora was born. She’d focused on the child growing in her belly, their survival, and then keeping them alive. Then she’d had Sarah in her life, which was selfish in that she loved Sarah, and claimed her as her family, but there was also a measure of rescue there. Although Sarah had rescued her equally.

But this—she only had pleasure to gain from the sexual bargain they’d made. It was a simple, selfish act. It was only about her pleasure, although of course she hoped—and knew, to be honest—that he would derive pleasure from it as well.

It felt empowering to be so selfish, honestly. To claim what she wanted and make strides toward getting it. To know that the only objective was something she longed for. Not something that would benefit her materially, or raise her standing in the world, or help her and her family’s future. Just something for her.

Like buying a pretty hat even though you had dozens at home. But he would fit her far better than a hat would, and the satisfaction she’d gain as a result would be far greater than being told she looked lovely that day while wearing the hat.

Damn it, she could not wait until after the party. The party itself would be a tortuous delight, both of them anticipating what would be happening in a few short hours, and yet not able to hasten the moment.

She’d have to make certain to wear one of her most beautiful gowns that was also the easiest to remove. Although there was something to be said for his stripping her bare, undoing each button as she felt herself start to unravel. Feeling those big hands sliding on her skin as he undid her.

She’d told him not to touch himself until this evening. She supposed she’d have to promise herself the same thing. Even though the thought of her fingers touching herself as she thought of him and those big hands and that bigger body was an enticing one.

It was going to be exquisite torture until she could get him alone.

Chapter 12