And it’s working – it’s slowing me down, even though I don’t like the way this cheap wool feels. When I was a kid, I picked up a stone and there was a slug stuck to it. The slug fell into my hand and I screamed. The wool reminds me of that feeling, except it’s not wet and slimy. My last social worker, Wanda, bought the wool for me out of her own money before she left and started training to be a teacher. I’m really grateful. I just wish it didn’t feel so weird. But this is for Kandi, so I’m gonna make myself use it.

My stomach just rumbled. It’s lying. I’m not hungry.

Click, click, click, click, click.

I’m going too fast again. I want my knitting to make me stop thinking about what happened in that shop earlier. It’s the thing that stressed me out today. Annie believes my version of the story. She’s even cooked macaroni cheese for dinner because she knows it’s my favourite. She wants me to feel better. Annie says that no stuck-up security guard from a make-up store is gonna make her feel bad about me. But maybe me swearing didn’t help, Annie says. And she reckons it would have been much easier if I’d just said sorry.

Nuh! Why should I have said sorry? That security dude had his eyes on me from the second I walked into that shop. One minute the dude was slouching by the wire baskets; next minute it was like someone pulled a string on the top of his head and he bounced right up. I know me and my friends can be loud, but that proves we’ve got nothing to hide. We’re not sneaking around stashing lipstick in our pockets. All our conversation was in the air for him to hear.

Click, click, click, click, click. Need to slow down. Need to slow down.

I’m gonna let my needles rest until my brain cools a bit. I’m not gonna let that ignorant security guard ruin Kandi’s blanket too.

I had twenty pounds to spend. The first thing I was gonna buy in that shop was foundation. When I give Kandi this blanket, I want to look good. I don’t want her to worry about me. My skin’s a bit grey at the moment and the spots on my nose have been there for so long they should be paying me rent.