She chuckles. “I had my sink-or-swim moment. Drown under the weight of my anger and hatred or let it go to save myself—to free myself. I let it go.”

I nod several times as her words hang in the air. “I saw my father—very unexpectedly—at a stop in New Mexico. Francine too. I’m not sure I would know how to coexist with him in a world where I don’t hate him.”

“Why?”

I shrug, massaging my temples. “It’s just always been my way of coping with my mom’s death.”

Megan rests her hand on my leg. I wait for more of her voice of reason, but she remains silent. Sometimes no words are the best words.

Avery

“He’s been with me through the most defining moments of my adult life,” Sydney speaks after fifteen minutes of nothing but tears and soft whimpers while stroking Swarley’s head.

I continue to give her space, hanging back a few feet so she and Swarley can have their bubble of privacy. Her whispered confession draws a new round of tears from my swollen eyes.

Words of comfort and reassurance congest in my throat. He’ll be fine. But will he? He’s had a long and wonderful life. So what? We’ll still miss him every day. I’m sorry I took Swarley with me. But then I wouldn’t have made this trip with Jake.

Why can’t the blade of regret be smooth, quick, and painless? Why must it be jagged and messy? Why must it rip and tear with such unforgiving pain?

“Hey,” Megan’s soft voice draws our attention away from Swarley. She observes the monitor and gives Sydney a tiny smile. “I’m staying all night. You can stay too or you can go back to my place with Avery and Jake. I’ll need to keep him here for a couple more days. I suggest you consider getting sleep while you can so you’re well-rested when it’s time to take him home.”

Sydney’s forehead wrinkles as she gazes at Swarley.

“I’ll call you if there’s any change.”

Swallowing hard, Sydney clears her throat. “What if something happens and I can’t get here in time?”

Megan rests her hand on Sydney’s hand, stilling it on Swarley’s head. “Do you have other children?”

Other children. Megan’s good. She doesn’t dismiss the obvious—Swarley is one of my sister’s children.

“Yes,” Avery whispers.

“Then you know that you can’t be everywhere. And every goodbye should mean everything.”

Sydney’s lower lip quivers as she nods once.

“Do you need another minute?” Megan asks.

Sydney nods again before lowering her head closer to Swarley’s ear. Megan slides past me to exit the room. I can’t bring myself to move out of her way, or say a word, or make my lungs take another breath. Until … I see Sydney’s lips move, whispering something to Swarley and it. Breaks. My. Heart.

“Excuse me.” I brush by Megan and her nurse standing just outside of the room then hurry to the waiting room.