Back My Life as a Rat
Chapters (63)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. I
  4. The Rat
  5. The Omen: November 2, 1991
  6. Disowned
  7. The Happy Childhood
  8. Best Kisses!
  9. Obituary
  10. “Boys Will Be Boys”
  11. To Die For
  12. “Accident”
  13. Louisville Slugger
  14. The Little Sister
  15. The Promise
  16. The Siege
  17. Because . . .
  18. The Rescue
  19. The Secret I
  20. The Secret II
  21. Final Confession
  22. “Dear Christ What Did Violet Do Now”
  23. The Revelation
  24. The Bat
  25. Safe House
  26. Runaway
  27. II
  28. “Praying for Violet”
  29. Exile
  30. Sleepwalker
  31. The Iceberg
  32. Turnip Face
  33. Sisters
  34. “Mr. Sandman Bring Me a Dream”
  35. “Dirty Girl”
  36. The Stalker: 1997
  37. “You Are Not Wanted”
  38. Dirty Girl
  39. “Violet, Goodbye!”
  40. III
  41. The Scar
  42. The Burrow
  43. Valentine
  44. Keeping Myself Alive
  45. Off the Books
  46. Rat, Waiting
  47. Sorrowful Virgin
  48. Damned Little Dog
  49. Tongue
  50. Uncanny
  51. First Aid
  52. “Maxed-Out”
  53. The Misunderstanding
  54. The Return
  55. In My Mother’s Garden
  56. Forgiveness
  57. The Guilty Sister
  58. Howard Street
  59. Home
  60. Acknowledgments
  61. About the Author
  62. Also by Joyce Carol Oates
  63. About the Publisher

Brightly Ms. Herne spoke with Aunt Irma and me, and then she spoke with me alone, asking in a hushed voice—“Do you feel safe in this household, Violet? Is there anything you would like to share with me, just between the two of us?”

Yes I felt safe with my aunt and uncle—of course.

No I had nothing to share with a stranger.

Consulting her notes Ms. Herne went on to ask—“Has anyone from your family in South Niagara threatened you, since last November? Your brother Lionel—”

“Lionel is in p-prison.”

“Well—has Lionel contacted you? Directly, or indirectly?”

Shook my head no.

“He has not? No?”

No.

“Not through a family member? Lionel has not contacted you—definitely?”

A flurry of panic in my chest for the thought came to me, does Ms. Herne know something I don’t know? Has Lionel been threatening me without my knowing it?

His prison sentence was seven to thirteen years, I told Ms. Herne. It had not been even a year yet . . .

A humming sound came to my ears. It seemed that Ms. Herne was humming under her breath but in such a way, her mouth clamped shut, I could not be sure that the low vibratory sound was actually coming from her throat and not my own.

A strange Turnip Face, confronting me.

“And you have not visited him in prison? I assume.”

Shook my head no. Trying not to laugh wildly.

Impossible to imagine visiting either Lionel or Jerome. Would my parents have taken me? No.

Could not bear to see the hatred in my brothers’ faces. Murderous rage.

Rat bitch. Rat cunt. We’ll take your fucking head off.

Ms. Herne was peering at her notes, frowning. Obviously she hadn’t glanced at these hand-scrawled notes since the last time she’d visited the house; she seemed to have forgotten the crucial details of my case.

“And your older brother Jerome—had he threatened you, too?”

Shook my head no.

“At the time your brother Lionel attacked you—according to my report here, pushed you down ‘icy steps’—was Jerome also on the premises?”

Coldly I told Ms. Herne no. In another minute I would jump up and run from the room, I hated this interrogation so.

“Jerome did not participate in this attack, you believe? To the best of your knowledge?”

Not sure how to respond. Hesitantly nodded my head yes.

“You are not in contact with Jerome, either?”

Shook my head no.

(But maybe yes for I’d sent a birthday card to Jerome, as I’d sent a birthday card to Lionel, and with the card just my signature—Violet. Did that count as being in contact?)

“And you don’t hear from your incarcerated brothers through anyone else, Violet? Anyone in the family?”

When I only shook my head Ms. Herne persisted: “I have to ask, dear. This is crucial to know.”