Back My Life as a Rat
Chapters (63)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. I
  4. The Rat
  5. The Omen: November 2, 1991
  6. Disowned
  7. The Happy Childhood
  8. Best Kisses!
  9. Obituary
  10. “Boys Will Be Boys”
  11. To Die For
  12. “Accident”
  13. Louisville Slugger
  14. The Little Sister
  15. The Promise
  16. The Siege
  17. Because . . .
  18. The Rescue
  19. The Secret I
  20. The Secret II
  21. Final Confession
  22. “Dear Christ What Did Violet Do Now”
  23. The Revelation
  24. The Bat
  25. Safe House
  26. Runaway
  27. II
  28. “Praying for Violet”
  29. Exile
  30. Sleepwalker
  31. The Iceberg
  32. Turnip Face
  33. Sisters
  34. “Mr. Sandman Bring Me a Dream”
  35. “Dirty Girl”
  36. The Stalker: 1997
  37. “You Are Not Wanted”
  38. Dirty Girl
  39. “Violet, Goodbye!”
  40. III
  41. The Scar
  42. The Burrow
  43. Valentine
  44. Keeping Myself Alive
  45. Off the Books
  46. Rat, Waiting
  47. Sorrowful Virgin
  48. Damned Little Dog
  49. Tongue
  50. Uncanny
  51. First Aid
  52. “Maxed-Out”
  53. The Misunderstanding
  54. The Return
  55. In My Mother’s Garden
  56. Forgiveness
  57. The Guilty Sister
  58. Howard Street
  59. Home
  60. Acknowledgments
  61. About the Author
  62. Also by Joyce Carol Oates
  63. About the Publisher

Walking with Brindle a mile or so to the university campus though I had no classes that morning. At the sandstone building intending to visit the departments of economics, political science, statistics but encountering, in the first department, a mailbox belonging to JONES, TYRELL M.

As it turned out, Tyrell Jones wasn’t a student here. Not even a graduate student. In fact, Tyrell Jones was an assistant professor, a faculty member at Mohawk.

How stunned I was at this revelation. How stricken with embarrassment, shame! While I’d been taking university courses for years, dropping out, transferring, beginning again, wayward and uncertain as a rudderless oarless boat on a fast-moving stream, squandering my youth, Tyrell Jones had kept a steady course. He’d earned a Ph.D., or so I assumed. He’d joined the faculty of a respectable state university branch and was teaching a subject of which I knew virtually nothing—economics.

I was proud of him. I was happy for him. Almost I felt that I might burst into tears.

I had not seen Tyrell Jones since graduation at Port Oriskany High. Like me, he’d been awarded a four-year tuition scholarship to one of the state universities. Like me, he’d received other prizes at commencement among them a math prize.

I recalled that, after Mr. Sandman’s abrupt departure, a substitute math teacher was hired to finish the semester. Despite his high grades in math Tyrell had not been selected by Mr. Sandman for membership in the Math Club but the substitute teacher, Ms. Frankl, made up for this injustice by selecting him; in our senior year Tyrell was elected president by the eight or ten members (including me). How wonderful it was, I thought. Tyrell Jones had not (evidently) been harmed by the racist Sandman. Perhaps, unlike me, Tyrell had been able to forget him.

“What a darling little dog,” the departmental secretary cried, smiling at Brindle, as everyone did who encountered the feisty little bulldog. And lifting her eyes to me. “What breed is he?”

I told her, as I told everyone who asked. Numerous people each day, strangers who smiled happily at the little dog, as at me, with a warmth they would not have thought to exude to me, otherwise.

In such ways, sudden friends are made. Sudden alliances, linked by a naive and sentimental affection for a miniature bulldog with disconcertingly wide-set bulging eyes, who had come to adore this public role, and to beg me, tugging at his leash, for ever more attention.

The newly befriended departmental secretary struck up a conversation with me. Told me, when I asked after Professor Jones, that he was “new since last year” at Mohawk and “a very nice—quiet—person.” She paused as if she had more to say and then thought better of it.

“Is Professor Jones the first black professor in economics?”—innocently I asked.