Very exciting, I thought. The sensation of fingers encircling a neck, beginning to tighten.

Driving in his car along the river. That fleeting sense of gratification, the car is a Jaguar.

Beautiful car, soundless engine. The driver’s hand falls from the steering wheel onto the girl’s thigh, squeezes. Hard enough to leave faint bruises she will discover that night.

“Tell me about yourself, Violet. You have so many secrets!”

It was true, I was very quiet in Orlando Metti’s presence. In a daze of unreality, that an adult man should claim to adore me.

“What are you studying? Did you tell me?”

Another time I told him. Another time he seemed to be listening, as a father might listen to a child’s recitation, hearing the child’s voice, smiling in delight at the child’s voice, not hearing actual words.

Though Metti seemed impressed that I was taking university courses in the evening school yet he could not seem to comprehend that I had to actually attend classes. Dinner with him? Drive to the Warburton Hotel, twelve miles away?

“But why not? You can miss a class now and then.”

Or: “You can miss a class now and then for Christ’s sake.”

“I THINK THAT IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL NAME—‘VIOLET.’ IS IT your actual name?”

“None of it is important, Violet. Don’t give it a second thought.”

“Do you trust me, Violet? I want you to know that you can trust me.”

Yes yes yes.

No certainly not. But yes—I will try.

“Is something wrong, Violet?”—no longer bantering. An edge in his voice.

Came to me, and took my hands in his. The sensation of his touch so warm, so comforting, tears welled in my eyes and threatened to spill over onto my cheeks.

Came to me, and took both my hands in his. Hard.

The recoil was so unexpected, tears welled in my eyes and spilled over onto my cheeks.

He liked to kiss, suck at the little scar. He liked to kiss, suck at the soft-brown nipples, making them hard as little pellets. He liked to kiss, suck at the moist cringing tissue between my legs, that was an opened wound, that would never heal.

Insinuating himself into me like a parasite. Snug in my warm moist places, that he could fatten himself on me without my knowledge yet with my complicity.

LIKING HER BEST WHEN SHE WAS “SORROWFUL.”

Gently he would ask, “Is there something eating at your heart, Violet?”—the very sound of her name wondrous in his voice.

DIDN’T DARE ASK. RECALLING HOW HER FATHER DISLIKED PERSONAL questions.

“Her? The ex? Nothing to say. ‘Been there, done that.’ Fini.”

FINISHED WITH MAID BRIGADE! SHE HAS MET THE KINDEST MOST wonderful most generous man who has promised to pay for her college tuition—“Think of it as a loan, dear. No interest. No due date. No strings attached.”