It was cold in the house too, although there was light. She found paper, sticks and coal in a cupboard in the scullery, but when she tried to light the range it hissed and went out. She had never tried to light a fire before. She felt helpless and incompetent. She had wanted the house to be warm and welcoming for Jim when he came in. She needed to prove to herself that she was a better wife than Elspeth would have been. She wondered if Will was still out on the beach, but when she went outside to call him to help her, he was gone.

When Jim came in the table was laid and the food was ready, but the house was still cold. He showed her how to light the range, but it seemed to her that he was distant and preoccupied.

“I’m so sorry about Mary,” she said.

As a nurse she had comforted grieving relatives, but that had been easier. They had been comforted by the uniform, the image of calm authority. She had not needed to think what to say. Now it was an effort, because she was thinking of Elspeth, wondering if he was thinking about her too. He turned the conversation to other matters, to the croft, the house, and neither Elspeth nor Mary was mentioned.

Chapter Five

In the morning they had an argument about going to church.

“But you don’t believe in it,” Jim said. “You said that it was all superstition. You never went at home. We should start as we mean to go on. If we go today, they’ll expect us to go every Sunday.”

“It’s different here. Perhaps we should go every Sunday.”

“Why? Why should we go?”

“It’s the custom. Everyone goes. I don’t want to upset things. I want to belong.”

“This is our home. It’s not a bloody museum. We’ll never be happy here if we start off by pretending.”

“But we should go today. Your mother is so upset. It would hurt her, wouldn’t it, if we didn’t turn up?”

So he agreed that they would go today. They were standing in the kitchen. The wind had blown itself out. Jim had been out and he held a mug of tea to warm his hands. Sarah was proud because she had managed to light the range. She was wearing jeans and one of Jim’s rugby shirts.

“Where have you been?” she asked.

“To watch the milking at Buness. It’s all new since I was last here. They did it by hand before. Then I walked around our land. Just to get an idea of what needs to be done. I didn’t get a chance yesterday. It’s been left to run down. The fencing’s in a dreadful state.”