They met in early May and by October they’d married; it was a small civil ceremony that had taken place at Shire Hall, the council offices at the top of the only hill in the city.

Toni had worn a cream trouser-suit, and had her hair piled up on her head, the odd carefully placed ringlet escaping. Gerald had wanted to wear a brown suit he had in his wardrobe; but, after much persuading, he had gone shopping with Toni, who insisted that he wore a black suit with a pink shirt and tie. Despite not feeling comfortable in his clothes, it had been the happiest day of Gerald’s rather dull life.

It didn’t take Toni long to completely redecorate Gerald’s soulless bungalow and turn it into a princess’s palace. Apart from not replacing the carpet in the sitting room, which Toni had admitted didn’t actually need replacing for anything other than aesthetic reasons, the entire place had received a makeover. The small dining room was turned from dull white to a deep, lipstick red. Their bedroom was a pink paradise – according to Toni – and their living room was decorated with a bold, lime green, patterned wallpaper that Toni had insisted Gerald liked.

After Toni had worked her magic on the bungalow she turned her attentions to Gerald, but soon found that orchestrating his transformation would not be anything like as easy. Despite not being the strongest character, Gerald was happy with who he was and didn’t feel the need to change what he said, how he said it, what he wore, or what he ate.

A year after they had married, the relationship turned sour. Much to his disappointment, the boisterous sex dried up and Toni spent more and more time away from the house, enjoying the benefits of her husband’s income. If Gerald had had any friends they would have been tempted to say something to one of them about his new wife’s behaviour, but he had always been a solitary man. That was, until he met Toni.

Now, lying on the bed with his head resting on a pillow soaked with his tears, Gerald struggled to see how his life could go on. He had lain there until darkness fell, and only moved when the phone next to the bed started ringing.

Sitting up slowly, he reached for the receiver without thinking.

‘Hello?’ His voice cracked.

‘Gerald, is that you?’

‘Speaking. Who’s this?’

‘It’s Shirley.’

Gerald froze, it was Shirley from Toni’s book club; he hoped she wouldn’t ask to speak to his wife. He wasn’t ready to deal with the outside world just yet.

‘Is Toni there?’

‘I …’ Gerald couldn’t speak.

‘Is everything alright, Gerry?’ Shirley was the only person who ever called him that.