During music period, Mr. Hynde asked us questions like, “If the school only has ten trumpets and six kids sign up to take trumpet lessons, how many more kids can sign up for trumpet lessons?”

Miss Daisy made a big tote board so we would know how many math problems we had completed. Every day, she tallied up all the math problems on her tote board.

It wasn’t long before the school had finished a million math problems.

Andrea did the problem that put us over the top—of course. I hate her.

On the night of the chocolate party, you should have seen the gym! They had music and games, and tables were set up with chocolate chip cookies, chocolate cake, chocolate muffins, and even broccoli covered with chocolate. Yuck!

By the end of the party, I thought I was going to throw up. It was the greatest night of my life.

At nine o’clock somebody came in with this big pig on a leash. I don’t know where they got it. The zoo, I guess. We all watched as the pig was brought over to Mr. Klutz. He wrinkled his face up and acted like he was all disgusted (Mr. Klutz, that is, not the pig).

When he bent over and kissed the pig on the lips, the whole school went crazy. Even the pig freaked out, oinking and squealing and running around the gym until the grown-ups were able to catch it.

It was a real Kodak moment, if you ask me.

9

I Pledge Allegiance to Mr. Klutz

“I want to congratulate all you kids,” Mr. Klutz said over the loudspeaker on Monday morning during announcements. “You did it! One million math problems. That’s quite an accomplishment! See, all you needed was a little incentive.

“This has been such a huge success that I have decided to challenge you again,” he continued. “Election Day is coming up in November. This is a very important day in America. I think every child in this school should write an essay about what it means to have elections. And if you achieve this goal by Election Day, I will climb the flagpole in front of the school and recite the Pledge of Allegience when I get to the top.”

“I hope he doesn’t hurt himself again,” said Emily.

“I’ll write my essay during recess,” said Andrea, who always does everything the second any grown-up tells her to instead of waiting as long as possible, like a normal kid.

“Couldn’t we just write one essay for the whole class?” I asked Miss Daisy. “That would be a lot easier.”