Kyle and Jared turned a corner ahead of me, racing to get in front of each other and nearly knocking stuff off the shelves. Kyle arrived at the finish line first and seized a banana in each hand to do a victory dance, making me laugh.

“You totally cheated,” Jared said.

“Did not.”

Jared grabbed his brother and wrestled with him, their unshaved faces squished together while Kyle stuck out his tongue like he was dying. They had such a strong bond, and I loved seeing my two favorite guys being silly like this.

“Ow, beard friction,” Kyle said, rubbing his cheek.

“We’re so hot we’re starting fires with our faces.” Jared ran a hand along his matching dark stubble, and it took all my effort to not reach for him, too. Sometimes this secret romance thing was pretty damn frustrating.

Kyle grinned. “Hey, that can be our next song.”

Jared belted out, “Fire in our beards / Ice in our hearts / You’ll get seared / Here in the mart.”

I laughed. “Sounds like a hit.”

He gave a dramatic bow while Hector wheeled his cart over. Once we were all together, Jared announced, “Time to see what we all got. Kyle, as reigning champion you go first.”

“My theme is ‘candy fail,’” Kyle said and held up each item to show us. “Lollypops with spiders in them. Bacon-flavored breath mints. And mushroom-shaped gummies that look like dicks. Bam!”

“Ew,” I said, not sure which of those things grossed me out the most.

“Nice finds,” Hector said. “But I’ll see your dick gummies and raise you my Crunchy Nude Balls.” He held up a box of Korean rice candy with that name.

“Hector, there are ladies present,” Kyle said, in an overly shocked way.

I held my hand over my heart. “It’s true. I’m a delicate flower who is easily offended.”

Hector snorted. “Of course you are. I also found these.” He showed us his other two items: a Tea Bag Buddy for mugs and a bottle of something called Head Lube. For shaving, maybe?

Jared nodded. “The ‘unintentional sexual innuendos theme.’ Always a good one.”

“I knew you’d approve.”

“My turn,” Jared said. “The theme tonight, ladies and gentleman, is ‘strange things in your bathroom.’ First up, garlic shampoo, so you can ward off vampires at all times and probably everyone else, too. Next, men’s grooming wipes in ‘boardroom scent,’ for when you need to feel both clean and extra-manly down there. And finally, drumroll please…lightsaber-shaped lip balm.”

“Um, I kind of want that,” I said.

“I figured.” He grinned and tossed it into my cart. “You’re up, Maddie.”