“Hang on.” She left and returned a few minutes later with some water and pain meds. “Take these.”

I did as she said and then closed my eyes, leaning back against the headboard. Julie smelled faintly of vanilla, and her familiar scent gave me a small amount of comfort. She’d been my best friend since we were in eighth grade, but I’d barely seen her this summer. I missed hanging out with her. I even missed her getting on my case all the time.

“What’s going on?” she asked.

“Didn’t you see the show?”

“No, I was flying back from Seoul. What happened?”

Oh, right. She'd been visiting her grandparents. I should have remembered that. Further proof I was the worst friend ever.

I sighed. “It’s over. The show. The band. Jared. Everything.”

“What? Tell me.”

I spilled everything, and she listened without judging or interrupting, letting me vent and cry. When it was over and I’d let it all out, she wrapped me in a tight hug. “Maddie, I’m so sorry.”

“I ruined everything,” I said, grabbing a tissue and blowing my nose. “My place in the band, my friendship with Kyle, my relationship—or whatever it was—with Jared, and even things with you and Carla. I’ve ruined it all.”

“Okay, now you’re being silly. You definitely didn’t ruin your friendship with us. We’ll be friends forever, no matter where life takes us, so don’t worry about that. And I’m sure Kyle feels the same, too.”

“I guess.” I pulled my knees up and rested my head on them.

“Maddie, you know I love you, but when things get hard, you always run away. You ran from your mom and her drinking, you ran from Jared when he invited you to join the band, and now you’re running from this, too. Maybe it’s time to stop running and fight for what you want.”

“I don’t know what I want.”

“Don’t give me that. You know exactly what you want.” She stood up and moved to the door. “Think about it. I’m going to unpack, but I’m here if you need me. And take a shower. You’re disgusting.”

She closed the door behind her. I sat there, digesting her words, until my headache faded enough that I could move again. I took Julie’s advice and got in the shower, and the hot water slowly washed off the gloom of the last few days. My god, what was I doing? I’d turned into my mother, staying in bed all day, drowning my life in a bottle, and giving up guitar because a guy had broken my heart. That wasn’t me. I didn’t want to become her. My life didn’t have to be one big repeat of her mistakes.