I jumped to my feet. “Sa’id’s not the boss of me! I’m not a child who needs permission to wipe my nose! This discussion is over. I’m leaving the hotel tonight, and there’s no going back on my decision.”

“But where will you go? Mr. N, didn’t your brother, your legal guardian, tell you that he sold your old apartment and has been using the proceeds to pay for your stay and your treatment here? You have to know that I cannot permit you to leave unless Sa’id agrees and signs off on this request of yours.”

A faint dizziness came over me, and I felt the earth sway beneath my feet. Closing my eyes, I leaned against the table and took a deep breath. Andrew came over to me and took hold of my arm. He sat me back down on the bed and held my wrist to take my pulse. I was in a state of shock, like someone receiving tragic news that he hasn’t fully processed yet; or like someone who fears something but doesn’t dare to think about it yet; or like someone who is aware of something terrible in his subconscious, even though he has entirely suppressed it from his memory.

Andrew opened his black bag and took out a blood pressure gauge. Wrapping the cuff around my arm, he pumped it up until it squeezed tight. “One seventy over one hundred,” he said with a frown as the pressure eased. He gave me a small pink pill with a glass of water. “Don’t worry. It’s just Amlor. Take it, and you’ll feel better immediately.” He took out his phone, pressed a button, and spoke in a low voice. “I’m in Mr. N’s room. I want you here right away.” When he turned back, he was smiling. “We’ll give you back Miss Zahra. Well, happy now?”

I felt a deep sadness float down like a fine veil that landed on my head before descending over my whole body. It was as though I had woken up in some endless flat expanse with the taste of fire and regret in my mouth. I was a child of nine, and my father had carried me in while I slept. He had gone away and left me there alone before I awoke. I lost all sense of direction, and I realized that evening would soon arrive. I understood there was no way out, and my father had abandoned me forever, never to return. Tears flowed down my cheeks, large and heavy. A tear would swell up with my sadness and fall, only to be followed by another, all regular and orderly. I was crying without crying, since I didn’t know the reason for my tears, but my misery was bigger than I was able to ignore or contain. If only Mary were here with me now to fold me in upon her ample bosom with the smell of laurel, hiding me away. If only Shaygha were sleeping naked across my torso, her slender legs wrapped around me like a giant insect. If only a hand would drop from the sky onto the secret spot on my back and still the waterfalls of my soul, thundering down so violently over the stones of my life!